Christmas eating overload!

I'm seriously sick of eating too much crap.  I didn't worry much about what I ate on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day thinking that I would be able to get back into healthy eating right after that.  Nope didn't happen.  I couldn't get enough sweets and ate them whenever they were around me.  Not good.  I am giving myself a few days before I get on the scale again but I'm back to tracking and I went to Body Pump yesterday and I ran today.  I will do this.  Damn you food.  Just when I think I am in control I realize nope I am not.  It's always there and it's never over this battle.

That being said, Christmas was great!  Had a great time with family.  We spent the morning on Christmas day with Dean's family then over to my parents place for Christmas dinner. Lots of visiting and laughs. Lots of great food as mentioned earlier, ahem.  Boxing day shopping at 6:00 am with 2 of my nieces (my Brother and his daughter met us later) was a blast!  Got some good deals and had lots of fun.  We all went for breakfast at 10:30 after too. Boxing day leftover meal at my parents house on the 26th.

I got lots of amazing presents!  Dean bought me some diamond and white gold earrings that I love!  He also bought me a plum colored North Face jacket and all kinds of  little things too (we stuff each other's stockings).  I got a pedicure gift certificate from my parents and money from Dean's parents.  Brett got me a Starbucks card and Mitch gave Dean and I a gift certificate to a restaurant.  I decided to use the money I got towards a at home Body Pump kit from beachbody.com .  I'm so excited about it!  The gym gets so crazy at this time of the year.  The dreaded "New Year's resolution" people.  Argg!  There are definately times where I wish I could do it at home, now I can (or will be able to when I get my kit).  For days I have to work late, or when I have to work Saturdays and can't get to class this will be perfect.  In the package that I got I will get the weights, the step (used as a bench for chest press, etc but can be used for step class) and tons of videos.  Don't get me wrong, I still love the gym and I don't plan on quitting but I just think this is a great option for times when I can't get there.

I'm looking forward to 2013, lots of great things are going to happen I just know it!  I leave you with a few pics of Christmas day.  I don't have all my pics off the camera yet so these are from my phone.

our tree Christmas morning

Brett & Mitch opening gifts

Kayla and Joey in their Christmas hats!  I love Kayla's elf ears!  Yes treats were involved in this photo!

getting real

I had a good day today, but it started off bad.  I finally stepped on the scale after a week or so of avoiding it.  I have learned a lot in this past couple of years (I started at WW January 12, 2011) and some of those things I seem to be forgetting. So I think it's time for a reminder.  

1. I need to weigh myself often.  Probably not every day but a few times a week for sure.  Even though it makes me crazy at times it keeps me in check.  I have to do this.....forever.
2. There are certain foods that I can't control and therefore should NOT have in my house.  No matter what I try to tell myself, it's just too hard for me to be around certain foods.  Examples are candy, chips and ice cream.  My boys are the reason that I tell myself that I need to have those things in the house but let's be honest, if they want them they can very easily get it for themselves!  Halloween was bad for me this year.  I started off with good intentions but I ended up buying half price candy a few times and it ended up calling my name in the evenings!  When I should have been snacking on fruit I was eating CANDY!  
3. Exercise isn't always going to be fun but it needs to be done.  It's like I went into mourning when Winter came this year.  I was enjoying running outside so much that I've been avoiding the treadmill.  I have done some running but not consistently.  I am a member of an awesome gym that has awesome classes.  I have to get to more of them than just Body Pump 2 times a week.  And there are some really fun classes at the gym that I need to revisit. 
4. I need to let myself get hungry now and then.  I know this goes against what some people say about weight loss but I have seriously not had that feeling lately at all.  That's what overeating feels like.  Always having a full stomach.  
5. I have to quit grazing in the evenings again.  I had this down pat.  I would have one snack in the evening and that was it.  Lately I'm just not satisfied.  I'm looking for something and I can't seem to find it.  So I keep looking and eating my way through the fridge and the cupboard in the meantime.  
6. Water.  I need to drink more of it.  I don't even know how I got out of this habit.  I drank a lot of water today and it felt great.  
7. I really like buying clothes in smaller sizes.  I have some things that are a bit too snug to wear right now and it sucks so bad.  I like wearing size 10 jeans.  I never, ever, ever want to shop in Plus Size stores / sections again.  
8. Tracking.  Why am I struggling with this?  When I had the best success I wrote every morsel of food I consumed in a WW journal.  Bring on technology.  Track on my iphone.  I use "my fitness pal" app, it's great but then I feel like I'm cheating on WW.  So I signed up for WW e-tools again.  Paid the money and started using the app.  Here's the thing, it's not as good in my opinion as the my fitness pal app.  Apparently the WW e-tools app is better in the US.  Ours doesn't have a scanner and the food list is really lacking.  I want easy, so I'm going back with my fitness pal. Bottom line, I need to track every morsel of food I ingest.  It's what works for me.
9. I need to stop comparing myself to others.  A lot of the people I follow on Twitter are runners, some are successful WW members, and some are complete BEASTS!  What I need to remind myself is that most of them are a lot younger than me.  I'm not using that as an excuse I'm just reminding myself of something my sister said to me "Just remember that no matter what we have or do, there is always someone who appears to do it faster, better, stronger.  The key is to find joy in our own accomplishments and successes."  
10. I know how to lose weight.  I have all the tools.  I have it in myself.  I will get to goal again.  It won't be this week, and it may not even be this year but it will happen because I'm NOT going back.  

Results not typical....

Results not typical.  What does that mean exactly? It's a disclaimer that most weight loss companies put in small print after their success stories.  To me it  means that losing weight and keeping it off is a hard thing to do and most people can't do it.  Apparently 95% of people gain back all the weight they have lost after finishing a weight loss program.  Most within the first year.  So how do you become one of the 5% that keep the weight off forever?  I wish I knew.  I was at my goal for 6 months.  I am now on my 3rd month of being over my goal.  It's still only somewhere between 5-10 lbs but it's really got me down.  It's really strange, in my mind it's like I've already gained all the weight back.  I don't know how to explain it.  I feel fat.  I feel bad.  I feel like a failure.  And because I am wrestling with these feelings I am turning to food for comfort.  Isn't that ironic?  But it seems that old habits die hard.  It's a good thing I am still exercising or I'm sure the weight gain would be much more.  I have started a 10K training plan, I am using the Runkeeper app on my phone. I still hate running on the treadmill but I'm trying to work through it.  I have rigged up a way to watch my ipad while I'm on there and that has really helped.  Before I found a way to secure it to the treadmill it fell off one time.  My heart skipped a beat when if dropped and flew to the end of the treadmill and hit the wall behind!!  I was so glad it made it through unscathed!  Bottom line, it has snowed a ton here now so I won't be running outside until Spring.  I have to face that fact!  I am very jealous of all my fellow bloggers and Twitter friends that are continuing to run outside.  Here is a picture of my virtual 5K race and my first race medal ever!  Dani over at weightoffmyshoulders.com held a 5K race on her 30th Birthday for her family and friends and opened it up to "virtual" runners as well.  I was in a bad place that weekend emotionally but after that race I felt so much better.

My first race medal :-)

     

I have had some emotional stuff going on which I won't go into detail here because I'm really not sure who reads my blog.  It's been a really hard time for me.  I am seeing a counselor and it's helping but I have definitely turned to food more than once because of this.  But I will say that exercise has really helped me with my stress.  I'm thankful for that.

I feel like I have turned into that person that I used to HATE when I was overweight!  One of those that needs to lose 10 lbs.  Seriously, how can someone be upset about being 10 lbs overweight??  Try 60, now that's a REAL problem.  Right?  Now that I'm here I can tell you that 10 lbs is a big deal.  Of course it's nothing like having to lose 100 lbs or 50 lbs but it's still hard.  And I'm struggling.  I am still amazed at how easy it is to GAIN weight and how hard it is to LOSE it.

Where do I go from here?  I keep putting one foot in front of the other.  I continue to exercise and try to do a lot better tracking my food and controlling my emotional eating.  Because I don't like this feeling.  And I try to blog more.

New goals

Long time no post.  I am still struggling with blogging.  I don't know what to say, the words aren't coming to me these days.  But here goes....  I will start with a foot update.  I saw a great physiotherapist for 4 sessions.  He gave me some exercises to do which I have been faithfully sporadically doing.  He also treated it with ultrasound which seems to really help.  I have been given the go ahead to start running!  I ran about a third of a 5K on Thursday and it felt pretty good.  It's going to take awhile to get my cardio back but I'm pretty confident it won't take too long.  A guy I work with told me the body doesn't forget and I think he's right!  I hope so :-)  Onward and upward from here.  I want to keep running outside for as long as I can and then perhaps move inside to my treadmill or at the gym when the dreaded Saskatchewan Winter hits!  I just can't see myself running outside on the snow and ice.  I'm a self proclaimed "fair weather runner" but who knows! Of course I have been still doing Body Pump twice a week and walking as much as I can.  I would love to get to Yoga twice a week too but that hasn't been happening lately.  Something I need to work on.  Not letting anything stand in the way of the classes that I want to go to.  I have also signed up for a "virtual 5K" on September 16th.  I am hoping to be running the whole thing by then.  It is for a cool lady that I follow on Twitter - Dani.  She is having a 5K run for her 30th Birthday.  I think it's a great idea!  Her blog is also very inspiring.  She is a WW leader and a runner too.  Here is a link to her blog weightoffmyshoulders.com

Summer has been very hard for me to stay at  my goal weight.  Sadly I have gained a few pounds.  I'm not happy about it and I have not been back to WW for awhile.  This Friday coming up will be my last chance for August to weigh in.  It's just so hard for me to go there and be above my goal.  It's not even about the money, it's just that I feel like I have failed.  I keep thinking I will go when I've lost a few more lbs.  I really need to go and face the music!  I am not happy at this weight.  Even though it's only about 5 lbs above my goal it's too much.  Here's the thing, I really want to be under 160 lbs.  So I'm not going to change my WW goal but I'm changing MY personal goal to 159 lbs.  I'm going to try to check in here weekly and give a weekly weigh in result.  It's weird, I'm actually jealous of people that are in the "losing" stage of weight loss.  I know it sounds strange but I remember how great that was to be constantly going down and the feeling of success and empowerment of losing weight.  I also remember how hard it was in the end to get that scale to budge!  I know I'm going to have to work hard to do this but I'm up for the challenge.  I'm going to make a ticker for 10.8 lbs and put it on top of my blog.  My weight on Friday on my scale was 169.8 lbs.  Here goes the last 10 lbs!!  

the last 10 pounds bootcamp!  love this show ;-)

Birthday and Running....

Long time no post.  I have really been wondering what to do about this blog.  Keep it, get rid of it, try actually posting here once in awhile.  I realize that it would be silly to quit blogging.  Keeping this blog over my journey to getting my Lifetime membership to WW was an important part of the whole experience.  And I have come to realize it's not over.  The journey continues.  Do I need to post weigh ins?  Do I need to post more often?  Do I have anything to say that anyone wants to hear?  I don't know.  But I do know that I need to start posting more often.

Recap of my life in the past few months.  On June 3rd I turned 49 years old.  I can't believe I'm almost 50!  I don't feel that old.  But I'm in better shape now than when I was in my 30's so that's a good thing.  My birthday was great.  I walked the Weight Watchers 5K Walk it challenge with my sister in law Laurie (a new WW member) and my sister Nancy (a lifetime WW member).

Laurie, Nancy and I

I went and had a pedicure and manicure.  It was wonderful.  I got a bright pink color on both.  

One of the highlights of my day was getting a Tweet from Jennifer Hudson herself!  I was so excited!  For those of you that are into Twitter you know what this is all about.  

Then my parents had a Birthday supper for myself and my two boys (Brett was working and couldn't make it).  Mitch's birthday is May 19 and Brett's is June 2.  The day before mine. 

Mitch and I with our cake 

I was also training for my first 5 K race.  I was getting very nervous and really having a lot of doubts about my abilities and if I really belonged in this group of people that call themselves "runners".  I had dinner with my sister Nancy on Friday night and told her how I was feeling.  She told me not to worry, that I'd be fine.  I had to work on Saturday before the race so I had my sister Nancy pick up my "race package".  She left it at my house for me.  In it was a little card with words that I will try to always remember.  She is so good with words.  

"Just remember that no matter what we have or do, there is always someone who appears to do it faster, better, stronger.  The key is to find joy in our own accomplishments and successes.  We don't always know their stories, nor they ours.  You have accomplished so much this past year.  Be gentle and loving to yourself and try to silence the critical, perfectionistic voice that wants you to believe that none of it is good enough.  That voice is lying!  You are a beautiful, amazing, kind, strong woman and I am so proud of you!  I will be running with you in spirit tomorrow and maybe in real time someday."

Wow, words to live by right?  Well, race day came and it was pouring rain.  My sweet husband agreed to come and cheer me on.  

doesn't he look so happy to be here?

I was nervous but I just told myself, you having been running 5K for awhile now so just get out there and run.  Don't worry about anyone else.  So I just tried to relax and run!  It went great.  Lots of people went by me at first but I kept my pace similar to what I would normally run and soon I was passing some of those people!  I ended up with a time of  31:22.  Which is a personal best for me.  I have been doing it in about 34  so I was very happy with that.  Here are some photos from the race.

I was very wet by then!

almost finished!

Finish line!!

It felt so good to run a race.  That day was also our 23rd Anniversary.  I was so happy to have my husband there to cheer me on.  We have been through a lot in 23 years but I wouldn't change it for the world.  We ended the day with a supper out to the Keg with or boys.  It was great.

23 years!

Sadly, after that race on June 10th I hurt my foot (left foot, same one that has had 2 surgeries).  I have been struggling with plantar faciitis ever since.  I have only tried to run once since that day and it was agony.  I have been icing it and stretching it and hoping that it will go away.  I have gone to the Dr. and she says I just need to rest it.  I also have some physio scheduled.  I am frustrated, just when my I was finally able to run a whole 5K I now have to stop running.  Hopefully temporarily.  In the meantime I have gone back to weekly yoga and hope to add one more class a week.  I am still doing my Body Pump weight class at the gym and loving how that makes me feel.  So onward and upward from here. 

Bad bad blogger.....and my "crack"

First off, I know I have been very bad at blogging lately.  It's really been tough now that I don't have a weekly weigh in.  Trust me, I recently have been thinking about going back to that!  I go through scale ups and downs and I am having trouble sticking to it these days.  But....I seem to have my mojo back.  I am really watching what I'm eating again (tracking) and my exercise has been great!

Ice cream.  My "crack".  I swear I live for this stuff.  I obviously did fine with it for the 14 months that I was losing weight but it seems like now I have been craving it and giving into the cravings more often.  I realize that I can still have it and just have it in moderation but what is my deal?  I end up at the store and it ends up in my cart, then it ends up in a bowl and ultimately in my belly!  I have seen people writing letters to their "crack" food.  Something like this........

             Dear Ice Cream,


             I have loved you forever and you have left me feeling sad and bloated.  You have gotten in the way of my weight loss and I just can't have that anymore.  It's been great knowing you but I have to tell you, it's over.  We cannot just be friends.  You are taking over my life and I want it back.  So goodbye ice cream......sniff, sniff.  


            Love you forever,


            Me


But I'm afraid that just isn't going to work for me.  I need it to be in my life.  I bought a Yonanas machine.  It's great!  It takes frozen bananas and other frozen fruit and grinds it into soft serve.  Google it and watch the video, it is really amazing!  Very creamy and it's really only fruit (unless you add things like chocolate chips and peanut butter - not that I've ever done that, no way not me!).  I love it but in all reality it's not ice cream :-(  I also love frozen yogurt.  I could eat that every day too.  What I am thinking of doing is making a deal with myself.  Letting myself have real ice cream only once a week.  A whole bowl full of the stuff.  Guilt free.  Instead of trying to "work" it in to my daily points (because trust me that aint working).  Then the yonanas or fat free frozen yogurt I can have whenever, but just allow myself the once a week ice cream.  That's my plan.  I'll keep you posted.  


Still running.  I took a bit of a break because, well gee I really don't know why?  But I'm back again and doing good.  I don't know if I will ever be able to run more than 5K (3.1 miles).  I have heard that if you can run 5K you can run 10K.  I don't believe that for a second!  I'm dying by the end of 5K, but I will try.  I think just increasing by a little bit every week or so.  My first real 5K is on June 10th.  The Bridge City Boogie.  I can't wait!  On Sunday it's my 49th birthday.  I am going to walk the Weight Watcher's Walk it 5K with my sister and sister-in-law.  Should be fun!  I will try to get a few pics and post them here.  

Deep thoughts and First weigh in as a Lifetimer!

First things first!  I have been really stressing lately about the whole "Weigh in" thing.  I almost think it would have been better for me to just keep weighing in weekly for awhile.  That was suggested to me by my wise leader Roz.  It feels like it's just way to easy to let things slide, then frantically try to get to a good place in time for the monthly weigh in.  But, I'm doing good.  So far.  I just have to get it in my head that I'm doing this all the time, every day.  Tracking and eating right has to happen every day for me.  Unfortunately, lately that hasn't been the case.  Today was a good day though so after my run (5K still haven't tried to do more than that) I headed over to WW.  I was a pound under my goal so I was very happy with that number!

My exercise has been going really good these days and that makes me happy.  I have been doing my weight class (Body Pump) 2 times a week and then running on the opposite days.  I feel like that is "do-able" for the long term.  I still really miss Yoga, Spin, and Zumba and want to try to find a way to fit those in on occasion.  I think it's funny that all I'm using my gym membership for is the 2 classes a week, but when I think back to all the times I have joined a gym and then not gone AT ALL it isn't so bad.  It's always there for me to use, when the weather is bad or if I decide to take a different class.

For the "deep thoughts" portion of this post, I was asked the other day at work how I had lost all the weight.  A question I get asked a lot actually.  Mostly I just say, Weight Watchers and the gym but I said this "I said no to food when I really wanted to say yes and I said yes to working out when I really wanted to say no".   No easy fix folks.  Eat less and move more.

I think I'm a runner!

It's weird, I really never thought I would be saying this but I'm a runner.  I actually like to run.  The problem that I face now is that I really don't like to run on the treadmill anymore.  Running outside is so much better.  There are interesting things to look at, there is all that fresh air, and well I just like it.  The other problem is that I really don't like running outside when the weather isn't good.  I live in Saskatchewan.  For anyone that lives here you know that we rarely have perfect weather.  I need to somehow get over this.  Either suck it up and run when it's crappy out or learn to love the treadmill more.  One solution would be to watch TV or something while I run.  We don't have a TV that's hooked up to anything where the treadmill is.  I could remedy this I guess, and that might help.  That being said, I know when Winter comes again next year I will not be running outside. I will have to figure something out if I am going to continue to do this running thing.  And I want to.

I was asked by my Sister-in-law today how did you do it?  Run a whole 5K.  She was so impressed and very jealous that I can do that and she can't.  I told her that if I could do it anybody can (that is if you don't have health issues).  I explained the "couch to 5K" program and how it works.  You don't even need to use that program, it's just about starting off with short running intervals and slowly over time increasing the running till you are running the entire time.  Start slow and increase that's it.

I have been struggling a bit with food this last week.  I have had stress at work and I turned to food.  I was eating a fairly large amount of chocolate one day and I just kept thinking, what am I doing?  I'm mad at a certain person at work and I am solving this by eating chocolate??  It doesn't make sense.  I'm feeling better about things already but I had a few bad days and I haven't tracked other than a few days here and there since I got my Lifetime.  My weight is still doing OK but what I would really like is to try to get BELOW my goal by a few pounds so I'm not so stressed about it.  I'm back to tracking and I will get there.  I have to get it into my head that I'm not DONE.  There is no ending to this journey of mine.  Everyday I will need to watch what I eat and stay active.  I can't eat a ton of chocolate or candy (yes I got into some candy too) and stay at my goal weight.  I can eat a bit of those things but all in moderation.  A taste is one thing, but binging is another.  Old habits die hard.  The old Kim is still there.  I will fight with her every day.

It's Official!! I'm a Lifetime member :-)

Friday the 13th.  Actually quite a lucky day for me.  Even though last week was when I reached my lifetime status at Weight Watchers, because of Good Friday I didn't weigh in at my regular meeting.  I wanted to wait till my regular meeting to make it official.  Also my leader Roz was back from her vacation this week too.  She was with me through most of this journey so I thought it would be nice to share this with her.  It felt pretty good to stand in front of the group and share some of my secrets.  I feel like I fumbled a bit when asked though.  Funny how I kept thinking of things I would say but when the time came I only said to not ever doubt yourself and to be prepared.  That is packing lunch, etc.  Hopefully I gave some people inspiration and hope that it can happen for them too.  I remember seeing others in my spot and felt that way.  My sister Nancy was there too and she brought me a beautiful bouquet of pink Gerbera daisies.   I got my gold book, my lifetime membership card, and my little key charm for my key chain.  It's official!!  What a moment.  I won't forget it.

 my leader Roz and I

(Roz is so tiny I'm crouching down a bit, hence the "muffin top"!!)

my sister Nancy and I both Lifetime members of WW

(standing tall here, muffin top is gone!)

I really have to apologize for not updating my blog more often.  I think I was just waiting for the Lifetime member post!  Other exciting news.....I actually ran a whole 5K!  I have started running outside and I measured a few routes in my neighborhood.  I ran one that my husband mapped out for me on Thursday and I ran all of it.  No stops.  I'm not fast, but I don't care.  I can't believe that in January 2011 I had tendon repair surgery number 2 and was in a cast.  I really didn't think this could ever happen.  I have signed up for a 5K run on June 10th, called the Bridge City Boogie.  I am planning to run that one.  And....after work on Friday the 13th I walked in a 5K Iam's fun run.  It is an annual run planned by the Veterinary students where I work.  I have worked there for 7 years and every year I think "I would love to do that" but somehow find an excuse not to do it.  There was tons of dogs and lots of "kids" (that's what we call the students!  they look so young and seem to get younger looking every year!!).  The long-legged girl that won the "run" had a time of 18:02.  Wow!  It was lots of fun, I look forward to doing it again next year.  Next year I will run.

 getting ready....

Kayla ready to go!

 found some new friends!

and away we go!

My buddy Kayla and I post race

Weigh in day

Good Morning!  Yesterday was my weigh in day.  I was having a super busy day at work so I had to really rush to get to my meeting.  Then of course there was extra traffic on the bridge that I normally take.  It never fails.  I'm not gonna lie it will be so nice to not have to go to meetings every Friday!  I ended up being 1.4 lbs over my goal (didn't have time to pee first so I'm sure that's why!  haha).  That's OK because I'm still within the 2 lbs that I need to be but I really have to work hard to be under for next week.  It's very stressful!!  I only have 2 more PAID weeks left of Weight Watchers!  I can't believe that I will soon be a Lifetime Member.  It's something I have dreamed about for years.  I looked ahead and it ends up that my day to become a Lifetime Member will be on April 6th which is also Good Friday.  Bummer because there won't be a meeting that day :-(  I think I will weigh in on the Wednesday that week then get my Lifetime the following Friday at my regular meeting time.  After that I only have to weigh in once per month and not be over 2 lbs of my goal weight.  I'm going to do this!  But I have to say after being on Maintenance for a few weeks now it's not OVER and it really just feels the same as losing does.  I guess that's what they mean when they say "it's a lifestyle not a diet".  I will be watching what I eat and exercising forever.  The alternative is to not do that, gain the weight back and be miserable and unhappy with my body / health.

Thursday night I took a Step class at the gym.  I had been wanting to try it for a long time and finally got brave enough.  It was so great!!  Lots of fun and I was literally dripping sweat by the end!  So, I am talking with the instructor after and telling her how much I liked the class, etc and she tells me "oh, it's not on the schedule at this time after the end of March".  Damn.  It will be at 5:00 on Monday.  I work every day from 8-5.  Oh well. I will find something else.  There are so many great classes at the gym I go to.  I just have to be brave enough to try them.

Have a great weekend everyone!  I'm going to Hunger Games tonight (I'm on book 3 love them!).  So excited.  Even though the name just cracks me up.  Isn't that really what weight loss is all about?

I'm Back!

Vacation is sadly over and I'm back to reality!  We had an awesome time!  I will give a quick lengthy recap of our time away.

We started our vacation in Mesa, Arizona.  My husband's work flew us there for a "leadership convention" for employees and spouses.  So all expenses paid!  It was great.  We stayed at a golf resort which was a bit run down but still very nice.  Not really much down time as there was lots of activities planned and of course meetings for Dean to attend.  I did spend part of a day by the pool and it was lovely.  So nice to feel the warm sun on my face and body.  There was lots of the wives that I had met before at other functions in 2008 we were in Jamaica for a work retreat, then in 2009 in Lake Louise, AB and the occasional party).  Of course they hadn't seen me since I had lost weight.  I received many glowing comments on how great I looked.  It was overwhelming but felt so good!  The first night there we had a reception.  Then the next day listened to a speaker, then some of us ladies went shopping.  That evening we all went to a NHL hockey game.  We had a buffet dinner and drinks.  It was lots of fun!

The next day I got up early and walked to the Target store.  It was about a half hour walk each way.  I love Target!!  Looked around, didn't buy much but enjoyed shopping.  In the back of my mind I kept thinking, you are going to Vegas don't buy too much!  So I didn't.  I did get some OPI nail polish in "Quarter of a Cent-Cherry".  I thought it would go great with my black dress.  Then as a group we went to a go-cart racing place for a day of racing and lunch.  It was a warm day and I decided after talking to some of the people that had gone before that I would opt out.  It just didn't sound like something I would like.  So I sat and watched in the sun, it was glorious!  Fun day.  

Dean ready to race!

That night we went to a catered dinner at the owner's home.  It was beautiful!  I wore a yellow (and I never wear yellow!) shirt that I bought the day before with my black Gap leggings.  I also bought some dangly earrings with yellow and black in them.  No picture.  I seem to have a problem with getting pictures of myself.  Anyway, I thought I looked pretty good.  lol  

Monday we had another speaker in the morning then it was a choice of either a MLB baseball spring training game or shopping!  Guess what I chose?  So off to the mall I went.  It was a very high end mall with stores like Jimmy Choo, etc.  Scottsdale Fashion Square Mall  I didn't buy much again!  I did get a nice pair of Sketcher's wedge sandals and a few things at Sephora.  That night was the banquet.  I wore my black Calvin Klein dress.  No picture!  One of the wives and I became friends though (her name is Kim too) and she is a part time photographer.  I asked her to take a picture of Dean and I that night.  When she sends me the pictures I will post them.  We had a great time.  Sat at a table with the owner's 2 sons and their wives.  Very nice people.

Tuesday we packed up and hopped a Southwest airline flight to Las Vegas!  We stayed at the Aria.  Beautiful hotel.  Bathroom so luxurious and even equipped with a digital scale!!  OMG!  A scale on my vacation, how dare they!!  I did not get on right away.  

bathroom with scale

Long story short (hahaha) we had a great time in Las Vegas.  We went to a few shows.  We checked out the strip and all the gorgeous hotels and casinos.  We spent an evening cruising Freemont Street (old Vegas strip).  And we also went to a NASCAR race.  To my surprise I really enjoyed the race.  We also did a TON of shopping!  Dean loves to shop too.  We had to buy an extra suitcase to bring home all our treasures.  I got 2 pairs of jeans, 4 pairs of shoes, a lot of tops, a ring, some earrings, a jean jacket, 2 pairs of capris.  I think that is it!!  I did end up getting on the scale on our second day there.  Funny thing was that no one had ever used it.  I had to turn it over and take out the plastic battery protector!  To my horror it said 168 lbs!!  I thought I had been making good choices up till then, and I had gotten in some exercise (hotel gym in Mesa and some walking).  Dean and I went to the gym in Vegas one day.  We had planned on going more but it just did not happen.  It was a beautiful facility.  Tons of cardio machines all equipped with TV screens and ipod docks, lots of weights, etc.  It had it all.  

not a great pic but you can see how nice it was.....all treadmills looked out over pool area

I tried not to let it bother me too much but it was weird I could just tell that I was gaining weight.  My stomach felt fat.  I did not feel right.  Even though I tried to make good choices sometimes it did not happen.  I was on vacation.  When we got home my scale at home said 170 lbs.  I was very upset.  I am happy to report though that I was able to get things in control and I am thinking a lot of that weight was sodium and water perhaps because when I weighed in at WW on Saturday I was 165.8.  Still in goal range!!  Phew!  So I am now back at the gym, back eating what I normally eat, and back feeling in control.  My Mom always says the pounds you lose at the end have been there the longest, that is why they take so long to lose.  I guess she was right and those 5 that I gained on my vacation were not there very long so they went away fast too!! 

Caesars Palace

Supposed to be Celine Dion night but she cancelled due to illness....off to see KA instead

Viva Elvis show

NASCAR

One more thing....on Friday I had a NSV (non scale victory).  I have been working at the Vet College for 7 years and the students put on a Iams fun run every year.  I always thought it would be cool to go in it.  I think most do not run it mostly walk with dogs.  It is a 5 K.  I have had excuses not to do it before but this year I thought why not!  I got an email that Friday was the last day so I went to sign up.  The girl asked me what year I was in first of all!  Hahaha!  I said no I was staff, not a student.  Then you get a shirt for participating so she says what size, as I was looking the samples over she says you better get the medium, the large will be big on you!!  I walked away feeling pretty darn good about that.  So on April 13 I am going to do a 5 K.  I am not going to run it because I am planning on taking my dog Kayla.  But it is a start.  And it feels good :-)

Goal Weight!!

Yesterday was a good day.  I stepped on the scale at home and it read 161.6 lbs.  I couldn't believe it!  Today was going to be the day I've been waiting for, working so hard for.  I took a picture Bitchcakes style.

bathroom at work - before WW meeting

Stepped on the scale at WW and the number was 164.4 lbs!!  (I weigh in at noon, fully clothed so it's always about 3 lbs heavier than at home naked first thing)  My leader and I discussed my options.  Should I wait to officially reach goal when I get back from holiday in Arizona / Las Vegas, or make today my goal day.  We decided that I should make today goal day.  She assured me that I have the next 6 weeks (maintenance) to adjust my points accordingly.  WW requires you to go on Maintenance for 6 weeks to become a lifetime member.  During that 6 weeks you are supposed to increase the amount of points you eat per day so that eventually you can figure out how many to eat to maintain your weight (that is not lose and not gain).  So the plan is to try not to gain during my trip.  

Maintenance book and star "at goal" charm

I was given my star charm award to put on my key chain during the meeting.  Everyone clapped and I was asked to say a few words about my journey.  I felt like a celebrity!!  I had some before pictures with me so I passed them around.  I felt so good.  Amazing feeling.  I want to remember this day forever.  When I went back to work I told a few people at work.  They were very happy for me too.  I really felt like I was on top of the world!  

How am I feeling about changing my goal?  I have mixed emotions about my goal.  After losing 3 lbs this week I can't help but think "why not keep going and get to 160?"  But I think I am smart to keep it at the 165.  I really, really struggled these past few months and I want a weight that I will be able to maintain.  I think I can maintain this.  I look at my body now and I see flaws, but I also see a "normal" sized body.  Not overweight and not skinny.  Somewhere in between.  And I'm good with that.  

I'm looking forward to our trip.  We leave on Friday.  I am excited to go shopping and buy some new clothes.  I've come a long way.  I'm very proud of myself :-)

Before

after

Best Dr. appointment EVER!

I had my Dr. appointment this morning.  It went great!  I was actually excited to get on the scale.  The nurse weighed me before the Dr came in (not one that I knew so it wasn't a big deal for her to see me).  Scale said 166 lbs!  The funny thing was she actually tried to weigh without the 150 lb weight.  I had to laugh at that one, she thought I might be under 150.  Anyway, she did blood pressure (which was great), etc and left me to change.

 

      Happy at the scale!                                    When she left and I changed into my 

                                                                        gown, I weighed again 165 lbs 

I had to wait for my Dr for a bit but when she came in she was so happy to see the new me!  She wanted to know all about what I have been doing and how I feel now.  She wrote me a note to change my goal weight at WW to 165 lbs.  She agreed that is a sensible weight for me.  She told me what my weight and BMI was at my last complete physical (which I think was in the fall of 2010).  I weighed 226 lbs and my BMI was 36.  I am exactly 60 lbs lighter and my BMI is now 26.  I thanked her for her advice over the years that had finally sunk in.  She has always told me "it's the food".  Whenever I told her I couldn't exercise for some reason or another (always an excuse) she would tell me it's about the food.  She was right.  When I started this journey I couldn't do anything.  I was only 1 week post surgery with my ankle tendon repair.  I lost the first few months without doing any exercise.  I just changed the way I ate.  Of course now exercise is a very important part of the equation but it's not the main thing.  

I left her office walking on air.  She has nagged me (in a kind, supportive way) to lose weight for years and finally I showed her that I could do it.  What a great feeling!

I bought two dresses recently for our trip to Arizona / Las Vegas.  The Arizona trip is a business trip for my husband and there is a couple of events that I will need to dress up for.  I didn't even own a dress that fit me anymore so I needed a few.  I also had no summer clothes that fit so I had to buy some of those too (not that I minded!).  Here are the dresses.  Excuse the crappy cell phone pictures.  

Dress #1

Dress #2 - Calvin Klein - pic doesn't do it justice it's beautiful , ruffle down front and fits perfect!

(both dresses size 12)

This post is getting long but one more thing.  My Dad's open heart surgery to repair his valve is tentatively booked for next Wednesday February 29.  2 days before we are supposed to leave on our trip.

Weigh in

Weigh in day today.  Down 1.2 lb.  How do I feel about that?  Happy that it's finally a loss but frustrated that I have literally lost only 2 lbs since Christmas.  Can you say slllllloooooowwwww?  I talked to one of the leaders at my meeting today and she thought the 165 goal idea was a good one.  I can still go under that goal if I want and if I'm able and at least I will get there in the not so distant future!  It was very cool that today was my sister Nancy's one year at goal anniversary at WW.  She got a little gold key for her WW key chain.  So awesome!  She has done so great.  I can't wait to be in her shoes someday.  Last night while surfing the net I was on http://www.sherylyvette.com/ and stumbled across the post of the day she reached goal weight at WW.  I had read it before but I re-read it.  It is amazing!  So inspirational and she is just so cool.  Sheryl was on a major plateau too.  That made me feel better.  It's so good to know I'm not alone.  It happens to other people too. Here's a link to the goal weight day post  http://www.sherylyvette.com/2010/07/day-i-reached-goal-weight.html 

And so I will keep on truckin'.  My Doctor's appointment is on Tuesday at 9:00 am.  I am excited to go.  I can't wait to get on the scale there and to show my Doctor what I've been doing in the last year ;-)

Stayed the same!!

I weighed in on Friday and I stayed the same.  I'm not gonna lie, I was genuinely pissed off.  I did everything right and I stayed away from the scale.  I was in a major funk for a few days.  I didn't over eat though.  But I did want to give up.  Sunday I got Dean to get the scale out for me and it tells me I am down 2 lbs from the last time I weighed on it.  So....I had him hide it again and I am forging on.  I feel better about things.  Today was a good day.  I did the treadmill in the morning, and I went to the gym after work.  I did another 25 minutes on the treadmill while I waited for my Body Pump class.  I found another good quote on pinterest (love that site!) and it really hits home with me these days.  It's really hard to lose weight, it's really hard to maintain weight loss, but it's also really hard to be overweight.  Choose your hard.

The scale is hidden.....life goes on!

So after my post on Friday I asked my husband to hide the scale.  He did it.  It has been very hard to not weigh every day.  I have been concentrating on doing the right things.  Getting my exercise in and eating right.  The scale was making me crazy.  I also didn't go to my Weight Watcher meeting last week.  I just couldn't face it.  It's OK, I'm not quitting (far from it) but I just needed a break from weighing and being disappointed.  Thanks for your support and tips.  I am going to talk to my Dr on the 21st about my goal.  I went shopping yesterday for clothes for our trip to Arizona and Las Vegas.  Amazing how I can feel so thin and great in one store and so fat and out of shape in another!  I tried on a pair of legging type jeans in a size 9 and they fit!  I didn't like the color so I didn't get them but I wanted to just because they were in a single digit size.  Crazy isn't it?  Then I go in another store and size 12 fits.  I have days where I think I don't need to lose anymore weight and other days where I can't believe I'm even thinking this way (feel like I have a lot left to lose).  Body image.  Something I need to work on.  I ordered 2 dresses from Sears.  Both in size 12.  One I had to get in a size 10 the other size 12 fits.  I like them both so I'm keeping them!  I keep thinking what would my 223 lb self be thinking right now?  Would she be thinking "if I could only fit into a size 10"?

Still struggling.....

After over a year on Weight Watchers the sad thing is I still have food issues.  Don't get me wrong, I have tackled a lot of them.  One thing I am struggling with now is going through stages of not eating much at all, then I decide that's not good and I start eating better (more).  I know I'm probably screwing up my metabolism now but I just have this feeling like I'm never going to get to goal.  I just sometimes wish that we didn't have to eat. It would be so much easier that way. But food is everywhere.  Everywhere you look, every time you turn on the TV, open a magazine, or socialize.  But we as human beings have no choice we have to eat.  Learning how to eat is the key.  I know this but sometimes it's so hard.  My weight has literally not moved in months.  Yes it has gone down, but it has also gone up too.  Up and down, down and up.  I have maintained.  I am obsessed with the scale again and it's playing with my head.  The past week it has NOT changed at all.  Every day I step on and every day it has said the same thing. And I'm going to be honest here.....it sucks!  I don't even want to go to my WW meeting tomorrow because I know I will be up or the same.  Today I was in such a bad mood all day and it started as soon as I stepped on the scale.  So what am I going to do about this?  Do I want to quit?  No.  I do have a plan.  I have a Doctor appointment on February 21st for a complete physical.  I am going to discuss my weight with her and see what she says.  If she agrees I will get her to sign a note to raise my goal weight at WW.  Then I can get my lifetime and finally quit paying!  Of course I will still work hard to try to lose and ultimately get down to 160.  I would secretly love to be in the 150's.  Maybe someday.

What a difference a year makes

January 2011 - my son Mitch and I at the annual Ukrainian buffet

December 2011

Today is officially one year since I joined Weight Watchers.  55 lbs down.  When you do the math it's just over 1 lb a week.  Do I wish it was more?  Hell yes!  But I am very happy with 55 lbs.  I don't want it back for a second!  Now to get to goal!!

Looking after my heart

Update on my Dad.  He is still in ICU, he is still on a ventilator.  He had a heart attack along with some other issues.  We are hopeful that he can come out of this but it's an uphill battle.  He is 82 years old.  I am not ready to say goodbye.  I have a very close family and we have rallied together in this.  It warms my heart, it really does.  My parents have been married almost 59 years (in April it will be 59).  They are still very much in love.  She misses him at night, it's sad.  I really hope he can come home to her again.  Sigh....

I have been at the hospital every day since he went in on January 8 th.  Tonight I am not going.  My 2 sisters and I have decided we have to try to take turns so we don't burn out.  My Mom is there every day, all day.  She says she doesn't want to be anywhere else.  She usually gets a ride in the morning, then stays all day (grandchildren or one of us goes up throughout the day), then someone comes up around supper time to stay with her until she can say goodnight to Dad then take her home.  It has been a very long 12 days.

In the past 12 days I have done very little exercise.  There hasn't been time, and there hasn't been motivation.  I am sad and just can't find the umph I need to get going.  Yesterday I made myself go to my Body Pump class (weight class) and it really felt good.  Tonight I did my "couch to 5 K" on the treadmill, and it felt good.  I decided that I have to do this.  I have to make the time to look after MY HEART, and MY BODY.  I know my Dad would want that.  Tomorrow is weigh in day.  I hope I have lost some lbs.  I am so close now and I just want to get to goal.  My husband and I are going to Arizona and Las Vegas on March 2nd.  My plan is to be on Maintenance by then.

my family at Thanksgiving 2011

Life can change in an instant....

My Dad is in the hospital in ICU.  He has shown some improvement today so that's a good sign.  It's been a very long 36 hours.  I am thankful to have an amazing close family.

Weigh in

Weighed in yesterday and I am down 0.4 lb.  Not a stellar loss but I'm pretty happy with that considering at one point this week my home scale read almost 6 lbs more than my lowest weight!  Crazy I know.  I think it was a combination of leftover Christmas goodies and too much sodium but it freaked me out and got me in control.  I was reading someone's blog the other day (wish I could remember who it was to give them credit) that said she was in a rut where she did poorly most of the month (lifetime WW member), then scrambled to try to do good before the next weigh in.  I feel like I do that quite a bit of the time.  I'm not as careful on the weekends, then I spend the rest of the week trying to "undo" what I did in time to weigh in on Friday (or Saturday).  I really need to work on that.  Tracking every day, trying to get my exercise in and working every day on trying to lose these last 10 lbs!

2012 bring it on!!

Happy New Year to everyone!!  I weighed in yesterday and to my surprise and shock I was only up 0.2 lb!  I am very happy with that!  We had a quiet night but it was good.  The boys actually stayed home (which was a shock to us!).  We had Chinese food and wine for supper, then watched most of the World Junior Hockey game (yay Canada!!), then we watched a movie.  Horrible Bosses.  I wasn't impressed, but my 3 males in the family liked it.  There ya go, that is the story of my life.  lol   Rarely do we find a movie that we all like.  It was a nice night, I was in bed before midnight but that's OK.  I was very excited to see the new WW commercial!  One of the blogs that I follow suzistorm.com is on the commercial!  She is so awesome, she and I have even conversed a bit on twitter.  She is very inspiring and has lost 100 lbs.  Check out her blog.  I love the commercial, their theme is "believe".  When I look back over the past year, I have to say that the fact that I believed that I could do this was one of my strongest motivators.  So here I sit, almost a year later with only 10 lbs away from my goal.  2012 will be my year, bring it on!!