I'm still here!!

180.3 lbs.  Yes that is the sad number.  I can honestly say that I have stayed around 5 lbs above my goal for a long time, but I was able to put on 10 lbs very easily in the past few months.  I am not happy about it, but I'm trying to keep my head up, move on and learn from my mistakes.  I could sit here and write about all the things that lead me to that weight gain but I won't.  Let's just say that I ate a lot of food that I shouldn't have and I haven't been exercising as much as I used to.  Not a great combination.  And of course as we all know, it's what leads to weight gain.  It's funny, I'm not Catholic but I feel like this must be what confession is like.  Forgive me blog followers, for I have sinned.  I'm not perfect, that's for sure but I'm not giving up.  I remember how good I felt at my goal weight.  I remember how it felt to not have my belly sticking out (granted it was never flat, but smaller than it is now).  I used to lay in bed in the morning and feel my hip bones and my stomach and think "wow, I'm really not a fat person anymore!"  And to be honest my goal was never to get skinny, it was to be a normal sized, healthy person.  My body doesn't feel like that now.  I look in my closet and my options are limited.  I am still fitting into size 12's and Large's for the most part but the size 10's and Medium's are getting pushed further back.  So, the journey continues.  I went back to WW determined to do it again but after a 5 lb loss the first week, then a slight gain the second I haven't been back.  Why you may ask?  I was embarassed.  I know those ladies have seen ups and downs that would likely make my head spin but I just feel like I can't face them.  I need to face them.  I need to walk into my WW meeting with my head held high and say "I'm back, this time for good".  I know they will welcome me with open arms, because that's what WW is all about.  They are not there to judge, they are there to help.  And clearly I need help.  I have developed the "I will just eat _____ and _____ then I will start tomorrow" attitude.  And tomorrow just keeps getting pushed further and further away.  I'm smart enough to know that if I don't get this under control I will gain all the weight back that I worked so hard to lose.  One of the things that keeps nawing at me is that my neice is getting married in September.  I had it in my head I was going to be back at goal by then.  I think I have to let that go.  It's possible but it's not realistic.  I know how hard it is.  What I am telling myself is that I will weigh less than I do today by September 28, it won't be 165 but it sure as hell won't be 180 either!!  I have a plan.  I'm going to put one foot in front of the other and not worry so much about how long it's going to take to get back to goal but just get there.  And I will get there.  

Oh ya, I turned 50 last month!!  I had a wonderful Birthday.  I felt very loved :-)  50 is just a number and I am looking forward to being in better health in my 50's than I was in my 40's!  

3 mile run on June 2, 2013 for another virtual run the day before my 50th Birthday 

(shrinkingjeans "run the hood" Foxy 5K)

June 2, 2013 - family surprise party

June 3, 2013 - my 50th Birthday and more cake 

If your still reading this, I thank you for sticking with me.  June is a busy month.  Lots of celebrations.  But somehow last year I was able to celebrate without a big gain.  Like I said before, moving on.  Trying not to be too hard on myself.  I can do this.  I will do this.....again.