Life's little ups and downs

It's been a long week.  Without going into any details I have had a lot of stress this week.  Combine that with a husband that is never home and the longest Winter in history and I'm not a happy girl.   I am ready for things to start looking up!

My foot has been really getting me down these days too.  It's really not feeling all that much better.  By the time I get home from work it's throbbing in pain.  Mostly in the heel area.  It's almost like I can feel the heel spur.  I know it's likely psychological but who knows?  Last week I went to the gym a total of ZERO times.  I just haven't felt like going with my foot so sore.  I thought the insoles were helping and I think they are but I guess it's just not getting better as fast I had hoped.  So more rest and physiotherapy for me.  Fun Runs coming up that I won't be able to attend makes me sad.  Feeling sorry for myself for sure.  I'm having a bit of a pity party over here!

Ok, working on it.  Hahaha!

Weight Watchers was good this week.  I lost 1.2 lbs.  Not a huge loss but slow and steady is ok by me.  I reached my 5% goal and I can't believe I'm almost at the 10 lb mark.  Hopefully by next week.  I was a bit "snacky" this week.  I need to work on shutting down the kitchen and pantry early in the evening.  It's becoming a problem.  So that is my goal this week.  Stop the night time snacks.  I'm going to limit myself to one.  Hopefully I can stick to this.  That being said I haven't been going over in points at all, just perhaps eating too many of them in the evening.  I am a bit of a point hoarder.  I used to do this when I was losing before too.  Eat a low point breakfast and lunch, just in case I wanted to eat a big supper (I'm not much of a meal planner if you hadn't noticed!).  It usually backfires because you end up with too many points left over at the end of the night or you eat them all in the evening in the form of SNACKS!  Gotta stop this.  It's all about finding the right balance.  

One thing I have been doing is lots of stairs at work.  We have a huge spiral staircase 4 floors up.  I try to do this on my breaks.  Up and down as many times as I can.  Probably not good for my foot but it's pretty much the only exercise I've been getting lately.  Especially last week.  Life, is full of ups and downs.  Here's hoping I start getting more "ups" than "downs" soon! 

stairs......

Goodbye 190's.....again

Weight Watchers meeting tonight.  I lost 1.4 lbs and I am  happy with that number.  Saying goodbye to the 190's again.  Frustrating to have to lose this weight again, but I am determined to do it.  Moving forward, trying not to look back.  Learning from my mistakes, living in the present.

Update on the gym.  I went on Friday and Sunday.  I rode the stationary bike both days and my foot felt good.  On Friday I did the elliptical for about 15 minutes and it really hurt my foot, so I guess that's out for now.  But the bike was good, and even though I'm not a fan it felt good to do something and the time went pretty fast as there are TV screens on each machine.

My Dr. Scholls insoles seem to be doing the trick.  I am wearing shoes all the time now.  Even though I hate it I have to admit it's helping the pain.  So that's positive.

One more thing.  I know I maybe late to the party here but to all my Weight Watcher friends I bought a box of WW smoothies last week.  They only had one box left, chocolate.  I made it a few times just with almond milk  2 pp for smoothie and 1 pp for almond milk.  Well today I added a frozen banana, and OMG it was like a milkshake!  I'm not kidding, it was very good.  For some reason they don't have any left at my meeting.  Hoping they get some more for next week, because I will be having that again.  Yum.

That's all I've got for now.  I leave you with a picture of my window sill.  My jar of pounds lost and pounds still to lose.  The heart shaped jar is the pounds I have lost on WW.  I still need to add today's stone.  It really helps to have a visual, that you see every day.

Random Ramblings....

Today is the first of 4 days off for me!  I've made a big to-do list and ready to tackle some of the things that I've been putting off.  In my opinion, there is nothing like checking things off a list to make you feel good.  One of the first things on my list is to go to the gym.  I need to get back there and after this week I just know it's time.  We had a few really nice days where the sun was shining, the snow was melting and I just couldn't stop myself from getting out and walking.  I took Kayla (my dog) to the dog park on Sunday and I walked for a half an hour 3 days on my lunch breaks.  I was loving it, but I'm sorry to say my foot was not.  I have been in so much pain these past few days it's not even funny.  To make a long story short I feel I need to totally stop the "extra" walking and switch up my exercise to stationary bike, rowing machine, elliptical, etc for now.  I talked to a woman at work that has plantar faciitis and she has custom fit orthotics and is totally cured.  She never walks in bare feet and wears shoes with her orthotics (even in the house) all the time.  Frick.  I love bare feet.  I never wear shoes in the house.  But I hate this pain.  So I went to the drugstore last night and got on the Dr. Scholl's machine and got my foot profile.  $49.99 later I have a pair of "custom fit" orthotics.  I know, I know these are not the kind from the Podiatrist but I'm hoping they will help.  6 month money back guarantee so what do I have to lose?  And here is the thing, I wore them a bit last night and set them by my bed.  I put them on this morning and I have hardly had any pain since!  We'll see.  With any luck the grossly inflamed and damaged tissue in my foot will heal and I can proceed with what I love, walking and running (slowly!).  Time will tell.  In the meantime, I will get my sorry ass to the gym!

Weight Watchers was good this week.  I lost 1.6 lbs.  I thought it might be more but I'm happy with a loss.  Down 7 in total since recommitting to the program.  It's funny I see people in what looks like "weigh in day" clothes.  Yoga pants, dresses, etc.  I have been there but I swear I will not play those games again.  I go directly from work and I am generally in jeans.  That's what I am going to wear to weigh in.  I used to play those games where I knew I hadn't lost much so I would wear something lighter, or go to a morning meeting instead of an evening or noon one.  Not going there folks.  This is going to be a slow process but one that will get me there.  I'm anxious to get out of the 190's though, hopefully next week.

One thing I have noticed about the meetings is the product pushing and the "formula" meeting.  The WW flip charts and topics are usually from the weekly newsletter.  I don't hate it but I am finding that the half hour goes so quickly and the group doesn't usually get much time to talk.  Yes we talk about the topic but not much time to share "food finds", recipes and feelings about challenges etc.  I really like this leader, she's great but I sort of miss the old style meetings where you just sort of chatted about this weight loss journey and how the program was going for you with others that shared ideas and strategies.  And they really really push the products.  Whoah!  Are we on commission here?  I get it, WW needs to make money but c'mon.  This is just my opinion but I would be interested to know if I'm the only one that feels this way.  That all being said, it's a great program.  It helped me to lose 58 lbs and get to my goal and it's working again.  It really does work.

I'm going to check off some things on my list.  Number 1 is go to the gym!  Later gators :-)

Update on me

I feel like I've been writing this post in my head for months.  I would think about what I would write, then decide not to do it.  Who cares?  Who reads this?  Why do I need to share my story?  So here's the thing, I do this blog mostly for me.  Here goes.

Over the past few months I have gained weight.  It's been rough.  I have lots of excuses but none of them really matter.  The truth is I have an unhealthy relationship with food.  I overeat when I'm stressed.  I overeat when I'm lonely or bored.  I overeat when I'm feeling helpless about my weight.  Go figure, right?  It's a vicious cycle.

Dean and I took a trip to Maui January 29 - February 10 this year.  It was a fabulous trip.  Other than the fact that the weather wasn't perfect, the trip was great.  I loved Maui and want to go back there.  We are hoping to go again next year so we'll see.  I ran a 5 K race while we were there.  Pacific Whale foundation "run for the whales".  Before we left, my right foot was starting to hurt and feel like plantar faciitis again.  I tried to back off of running a bit and it seemed ok before we left.  During the race it started to hurt so bad.  I finished the race but I was in major pain by the time I was done.  Of course the race was near the beginning of the trip so the rest of it I hobbled around.  When I got  home, I tried to rest it as much as I could, I iced and took ibuprofen.  About 2 weeks later I went to the Dr. because it wasn't feeling any better.  She sent me for physiotherapy and did an x-ray (the x-ray revealed a small bone spur).  He said I indeed have plantar faciitis again.  And I did a terrible thing by wearing flip flops and bare feet after injuring it so bad during the race.  Oopsie.  My point is, and I do have one is that now I can't do the exercise that I'm used to doing.  Running / walking.  But I will never forget at the beginning of this journey in January 2011 I had just finished having my second surgery on my left foot.  And I lost weight.  My Dr. always used to say "it's the food" and with me it really is.  Once I get the food under control, the exercise always comes later.  That being said, I am going to start back at the gym this week.  I'm pretty sure I can do the elliptical machine and the stationary bike (not my favourite) and of course upper body work as well.

me after the race in Maui 

2 weeks ago I started Weight Watchers again.  I felt so helpless after we got home.  And all my attempts to lose weight by myself were not working or hadn't been working.  Weight Watchers is what helped me before and I know it can help me again.  I did feel that this time I needed a fresh start though.  A new meeting, a new leader,  a new day.  I found a great meeting and a great leader.  That first night I was horrified by the number I saw on the scale.  But I saw the number and I moved on.  I am more determined than ever to get back to goal.  I will do it.  I'm trying very hard to not give myself a timeline this time.  It will happen when it happens.  I need to concentrate on changing my relationship with food.  Finding new ways to deal with stress, loneliness, boredom, sadness, etc.
My new meeting is Tuesday at 5:30.  I am going to start updating the numbers at the sidebar of my blog too.  Keep me accountable.  I packed up all my smaller clothes in a rubbermaid bin.  I have changed the little blue glass stones in the heart shaped jar to reflect the gain and the pounds I need to lose.  Moving on.

Beautiful Maui