Here is a picture of the incision.

Discouraged :-(

December 7, 2009

On December 2nd I had tendon repair surgery on my left ankle. It has been rough. Not what I had imagined at all. I guess I really wasn't prepared. Basically the peroneus brevis tendons were both split, so the surgeon sewed them up. So far I am on crutches with absolutely no weight bearing on that foot at all. The first few days it was so sore and the Tylenol 3's were not even touching the pain. I finally got Mom to come over and remove the splint/cast (Dr. Rees said we could). I think it was pressing on the incision and causing the pain. The hardest part has been using the crutches on the stairs. I had no idea how hard that would be. So, I am living in the upstairs part of the house and depending on others to get me meals and drinks. It sucks. I think for a fit, healthy, young person crutches wouldn't be that bad but of course I'm not young, fit or very healthy. It's hard. This is day 6. Tomorrow I am going to the Cast clinic to see Dr. Rees. Not sure what he will do next. I think the hardest part of this is the thoughts going through my head. I keep thinking that this may not work. I fear that I will be burdened with this sore ankle forever. I know that I should think positive but it's hard to do that. I have read on the internet that it quite often doesn't work and there is no guarantees that it will. I really hope that it will be the end of the problems. I am going to post some pictures tonight. It's really not pretty.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Today started out good. My sister Sheri and I went to the scrapbook store in Hague. We stopped for lunch after at the cafe in town. Not much on the menu that was healthy. I opted for a chicken salad sandwich with a ceasar salad on the side. I only ate half of the sandwich so that was good. Dean ate the rest when I got home! Here's the best thing I did today - I got a leisure card and worked out at the Field House!! I did 20 mins on the bike and did some weight machines. It felt good! Now I just have to keep it up.

On a sad note, my mother-in-law was admitted to the hospital tonight. She is diabetic and suffers from poor circulation. Hopefully she will not lose her leg, the Dr. is saying that might happen. I am very sad.

Tuesday, Oct 20, 2009

Had a good day today. I stayed under 1200 calories. I drank more water than I usually do. Exercise, now that's another story. I am planning to go and get a leisure card on my day off (Thursday). I am really hoping that there will be some things I can do that don't bug my tendonitis in my ankle. I'm going to try it for 3 months and see. It's 11:00 and I'm very tired. Still can't get Shauna's story out of my head. I think that's a good thing.

Saturday, October 17, 2009 - The sun is shining!! I spent some time outside doing yard work. I wish I could spend the whole day outside but the inside of the house needs cleaning so bad! I am going to take the dogs to the dog park again (I took them last night too). I walked around 3 times. Today I'm going to go for 4. They loved it, even though I think Joey got a bit tired. The food thing is really hard. I'm trying so hard to think of it as fuel for my body. I have comforted myself with food my whole life so it's going to take time to readjust my thinking. I made cupcakes last night and told myself it was to test out the new oven, who am I kidding. I was craving a sweet treat. I ate 2 last night and 1 this morning. I'm over it now, time to move on. I struggle with being lonely. Dean was away all week, now he is busy with work this weekend. I realize that I can't depend on him for companionship, but sometimes I wish I had a husband that would be there. Someone that would do things with me. Sigh.... I'm going to make today a good day! I remember Shauna saying " you can't depend on other people to make you happy". So true.

Friday October 16, 2009 - Today is going good so far. I have been watching what I eat and doing a lot of soul searching. I can't get Shauna's success story out of my head. She get's it, she "walked the walk" instead of just "talking the talk". I am excited about this blog. It will be a place for me to say what's on my mind. I would like to share it someday, but not yet. Today will be a good day, let's just hope it lasts.

Shauna

October 15, 2009 - It's 11:00 pm, I should be asleep but I am pumped up. I just got off the phone. I talked to my dear friend Shauna for over an hour. I haven't seen her in awhile. She has changed her life. I am so happy for her and so sad for me. I want to be where she is. I want to feel as good as she is feeling right now. She cried tears of joy, she is on cloud nine, she is fit, healthy and feels so good. I on the other hand am fat and unhealthy. I wonder what I can take from that conversation and use on my journey to good health. She told me she was 208 lbs at her heaviest and is now 140 lbs!! She is going to Mexico in November and bought a bikini to wear!! Today she went shopping and size 8 clothes fit her! Before I go to sleep I need to write down a few of the key things that led her to this good place she is in.

• She decided that today was the first day of the rest of her life. She had a friend die of cancer and it really changed the way she felt about her situation. Here she was alive, basically healthy and sitting in front of the TV, eating and her friend was dead.
  
• Change your lifestyle. You've heard that before but she really did it. All the things that used to make her eat she has eliminated. She no longer watches TV or reads at home. She walks or goes to the gym instead.
• Eat to live, don't live to eat. This is an age old saying but she really lives it. She is so active now that she really has to remind herself to eat. Food is the fuel for her fit body. She feeds it because it needs to be fed. She said when she goes on her hikes in the mountains she needs to eat constantly to just keep herself going. Even with eating constantly she will still have dropped 5 lbs the next day just from the hike!
• Stop waiting for someone else to make you happy. Only you can do it for yourself. Get out there and live your life.
  
• Be selfish. You need to do this for you, so you need to put yourself first. Stop doing for others and leaving yourself to the last.

That's pretty much it! It took her almost 2 years to do this but she worked hard and her work has paid off! Even though I'm so jealous, I'm so very proud of my friend. The sad thing is that in 2006 I lost 40 lbs and I was the one she was jealous of. We went shopping in the "fat lady" store and I didn't fit into any of the clothes because I was not in the plus sizes anymore. I will get there again. I want it bad. I'm going to blog, and starting tomorrow it will be day one of my journey to good health.