Christmas eating overload!

I'm seriously sick of eating too much crap.  I didn't worry much about what I ate on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day thinking that I would be able to get back into healthy eating right after that.  Nope didn't happen.  I couldn't get enough sweets and ate them whenever they were around me.  Not good.  I am giving myself a few days before I get on the scale again but I'm back to tracking and I went to Body Pump yesterday and I ran today.  I will do this.  Damn you food.  Just when I think I am in control I realize nope I am not.  It's always there and it's never over this battle.

That being said, Christmas was great!  Had a great time with family.  We spent the morning on Christmas day with Dean's family then over to my parents place for Christmas dinner. Lots of visiting and laughs. Lots of great food as mentioned earlier, ahem.  Boxing day shopping at 6:00 am with 2 of my nieces (my Brother and his daughter met us later) was a blast!  Got some good deals and had lots of fun.  We all went for breakfast at 10:30 after too. Boxing day leftover meal at my parents house on the 26th.

I got lots of amazing presents!  Dean bought me some diamond and white gold earrings that I love!  He also bought me a plum colored North Face jacket and all kinds of  little things too (we stuff each other's stockings).  I got a pedicure gift certificate from my parents and money from Dean's parents.  Brett got me a Starbucks card and Mitch gave Dean and I a gift certificate to a restaurant.  I decided to use the money I got towards a at home Body Pump kit from beachbody.com .  I'm so excited about it!  The gym gets so crazy at this time of the year.  The dreaded "New Year's resolution" people.  Argg!  There are definately times where I wish I could do it at home, now I can (or will be able to when I get my kit).  For days I have to work late, or when I have to work Saturdays and can't get to class this will be perfect.  In the package that I got I will get the weights, the step (used as a bench for chest press, etc but can be used for step class) and tons of videos.  Don't get me wrong, I still love the gym and I don't plan on quitting but I just think this is a great option for times when I can't get there.

I'm looking forward to 2013, lots of great things are going to happen I just know it!  I leave you with a few pics of Christmas day.  I don't have all my pics off the camera yet so these are from my phone.

our tree Christmas morning

Brett & Mitch opening gifts

Kayla and Joey in their Christmas hats!  I love Kayla's elf ears!  Yes treats were involved in this photo!

getting real

I had a good day today, but it started off bad.  I finally stepped on the scale after a week or so of avoiding it.  I have learned a lot in this past couple of years (I started at WW January 12, 2011) and some of those things I seem to be forgetting. So I think it's time for a reminder.  

1. I need to weigh myself often.  Probably not every day but a few times a week for sure.  Even though it makes me crazy at times it keeps me in check.  I have to do this.....forever.
2. There are certain foods that I can't control and therefore should NOT have in my house.  No matter what I try to tell myself, it's just too hard for me to be around certain foods.  Examples are candy, chips and ice cream.  My boys are the reason that I tell myself that I need to have those things in the house but let's be honest, if they want them they can very easily get it for themselves!  Halloween was bad for me this year.  I started off with good intentions but I ended up buying half price candy a few times and it ended up calling my name in the evenings!  When I should have been snacking on fruit I was eating CANDY!  
3. Exercise isn't always going to be fun but it needs to be done.  It's like I went into mourning when Winter came this year.  I was enjoying running outside so much that I've been avoiding the treadmill.  I have done some running but not consistently.  I am a member of an awesome gym that has awesome classes.  I have to get to more of them than just Body Pump 2 times a week.  And there are some really fun classes at the gym that I need to revisit. 
4. I need to let myself get hungry now and then.  I know this goes against what some people say about weight loss but I have seriously not had that feeling lately at all.  That's what overeating feels like.  Always having a full stomach.  
5. I have to quit grazing in the evenings again.  I had this down pat.  I would have one snack in the evening and that was it.  Lately I'm just not satisfied.  I'm looking for something and I can't seem to find it.  So I keep looking and eating my way through the fridge and the cupboard in the meantime.  
6. Water.  I need to drink more of it.  I don't even know how I got out of this habit.  I drank a lot of water today and it felt great.  
7. I really like buying clothes in smaller sizes.  I have some things that are a bit too snug to wear right now and it sucks so bad.  I like wearing size 10 jeans.  I never, ever, ever want to shop in Plus Size stores / sections again.  
8. Tracking.  Why am I struggling with this?  When I had the best success I wrote every morsel of food I consumed in a WW journal.  Bring on technology.  Track on my iphone.  I use "my fitness pal" app, it's great but then I feel like I'm cheating on WW.  So I signed up for WW e-tools again.  Paid the money and started using the app.  Here's the thing, it's not as good in my opinion as the my fitness pal app.  Apparently the WW e-tools app is better in the US.  Ours doesn't have a scanner and the food list is really lacking.  I want easy, so I'm going back with my fitness pal. Bottom line, I need to track every morsel of food I ingest.  It's what works for me.
9. I need to stop comparing myself to others.  A lot of the people I follow on Twitter are runners, some are successful WW members, and some are complete BEASTS!  What I need to remind myself is that most of them are a lot younger than me.  I'm not using that as an excuse I'm just reminding myself of something my sister said to me "Just remember that no matter what we have or do, there is always someone who appears to do it faster, better, stronger.  The key is to find joy in our own accomplishments and successes."  
10. I know how to lose weight.  I have all the tools.  I have it in myself.  I will get to goal again.  It won't be this week, and it may not even be this year but it will happen because I'm NOT going back.  

Results not typical....

Results not typical.  What does that mean exactly? It's a disclaimer that most weight loss companies put in small print after their success stories.  To me it  means that losing weight and keeping it off is a hard thing to do and most people can't do it.  Apparently 95% of people gain back all the weight they have lost after finishing a weight loss program.  Most within the first year.  So how do you become one of the 5% that keep the weight off forever?  I wish I knew.  I was at my goal for 6 months.  I am now on my 3rd month of being over my goal.  It's still only somewhere between 5-10 lbs but it's really got me down.  It's really strange, in my mind it's like I've already gained all the weight back.  I don't know how to explain it.  I feel fat.  I feel bad.  I feel like a failure.  And because I am wrestling with these feelings I am turning to food for comfort.  Isn't that ironic?  But it seems that old habits die hard.  It's a good thing I am still exercising or I'm sure the weight gain would be much more.  I have started a 10K training plan, I am using the Runkeeper app on my phone. I still hate running on the treadmill but I'm trying to work through it.  I have rigged up a way to watch my ipad while I'm on there and that has really helped.  Before I found a way to secure it to the treadmill it fell off one time.  My heart skipped a beat when if dropped and flew to the end of the treadmill and hit the wall behind!!  I was so glad it made it through unscathed!  Bottom line, it has snowed a ton here now so I won't be running outside until Spring.  I have to face that fact!  I am very jealous of all my fellow bloggers and Twitter friends that are continuing to run outside.  Here is a picture of my virtual 5K race and my first race medal ever!  Dani over at weightoffmyshoulders.com held a 5K race on her 30th Birthday for her family and friends and opened it up to "virtual" runners as well.  I was in a bad place that weekend emotionally but after that race I felt so much better.

My first race medal :-)

     

I have had some emotional stuff going on which I won't go into detail here because I'm really not sure who reads my blog.  It's been a really hard time for me.  I am seeing a counselor and it's helping but I have definitely turned to food more than once because of this.  But I will say that exercise has really helped me with my stress.  I'm thankful for that.

I feel like I have turned into that person that I used to HATE when I was overweight!  One of those that needs to lose 10 lbs.  Seriously, how can someone be upset about being 10 lbs overweight??  Try 60, now that's a REAL problem.  Right?  Now that I'm here I can tell you that 10 lbs is a big deal.  Of course it's nothing like having to lose 100 lbs or 50 lbs but it's still hard.  And I'm struggling.  I am still amazed at how easy it is to GAIN weight and how hard it is to LOSE it.

Where do I go from here?  I keep putting one foot in front of the other.  I continue to exercise and try to do a lot better tracking my food and controlling my emotional eating.  Because I don't like this feeling.  And I try to blog more.

New goals

Long time no post.  I am still struggling with blogging.  I don't know what to say, the words aren't coming to me these days.  But here goes....  I will start with a foot update.  I saw a great physiotherapist for 4 sessions.  He gave me some exercises to do which I have been faithfully sporadically doing.  He also treated it with ultrasound which seems to really help.  I have been given the go ahead to start running!  I ran about a third of a 5K on Thursday and it felt pretty good.  It's going to take awhile to get my cardio back but I'm pretty confident it won't take too long.  A guy I work with told me the body doesn't forget and I think he's right!  I hope so :-)  Onward and upward from here.  I want to keep running outside for as long as I can and then perhaps move inside to my treadmill or at the gym when the dreaded Saskatchewan Winter hits!  I just can't see myself running outside on the snow and ice.  I'm a self proclaimed "fair weather runner" but who knows! Of course I have been still doing Body Pump twice a week and walking as much as I can.  I would love to get to Yoga twice a week too but that hasn't been happening lately.  Something I need to work on.  Not letting anything stand in the way of the classes that I want to go to.  I have also signed up for a "virtual 5K" on September 16th.  I am hoping to be running the whole thing by then.  It is for a cool lady that I follow on Twitter - Dani.  She is having a 5K run for her 30th Birthday.  I think it's a great idea!  Her blog is also very inspiring.  She is a WW leader and a runner too.  Here is a link to her blog weightoffmyshoulders.com

Summer has been very hard for me to stay at  my goal weight.  Sadly I have gained a few pounds.  I'm not happy about it and I have not been back to WW for awhile.  This Friday coming up will be my last chance for August to weigh in.  It's just so hard for me to go there and be above my goal.  It's not even about the money, it's just that I feel like I have failed.  I keep thinking I will go when I've lost a few more lbs.  I really need to go and face the music!  I am not happy at this weight.  Even though it's only about 5 lbs above my goal it's too much.  Here's the thing, I really want to be under 160 lbs.  So I'm not going to change my WW goal but I'm changing MY personal goal to 159 lbs.  I'm going to try to check in here weekly and give a weekly weigh in result.  It's weird, I'm actually jealous of people that are in the "losing" stage of weight loss.  I know it sounds strange but I remember how great that was to be constantly going down and the feeling of success and empowerment of losing weight.  I also remember how hard it was in the end to get that scale to budge!  I know I'm going to have to work hard to do this but I'm up for the challenge.  I'm going to make a ticker for 10.8 lbs and put it on top of my blog.  My weight on Friday on my scale was 169.8 lbs.  Here goes the last 10 lbs!!  

the last 10 pounds bootcamp!  love this show ;-)

Birthday and Running....

Long time no post.  I have really been wondering what to do about this blog.  Keep it, get rid of it, try actually posting here once in awhile.  I realize that it would be silly to quit blogging.  Keeping this blog over my journey to getting my Lifetime membership to WW was an important part of the whole experience.  And I have come to realize it's not over.  The journey continues.  Do I need to post weigh ins?  Do I need to post more often?  Do I have anything to say that anyone wants to hear?  I don't know.  But I do know that I need to start posting more often.

Recap of my life in the past few months.  On June 3rd I turned 49 years old.  I can't believe I'm almost 50!  I don't feel that old.  But I'm in better shape now than when I was in my 30's so that's a good thing.  My birthday was great.  I walked the Weight Watchers 5K Walk it challenge with my sister in law Laurie (a new WW member) and my sister Nancy (a lifetime WW member).

Laurie, Nancy and I

I went and had a pedicure and manicure.  It was wonderful.  I got a bright pink color on both.  

One of the highlights of my day was getting a Tweet from Jennifer Hudson herself!  I was so excited!  For those of you that are into Twitter you know what this is all about.  

Then my parents had a Birthday supper for myself and my two boys (Brett was working and couldn't make it).  Mitch's birthday is May 19 and Brett's is June 2.  The day before mine. 

Mitch and I with our cake 

I was also training for my first 5 K race.  I was getting very nervous and really having a lot of doubts about my abilities and if I really belonged in this group of people that call themselves "runners".  I had dinner with my sister Nancy on Friday night and told her how I was feeling.  She told me not to worry, that I'd be fine.  I had to work on Saturday before the race so I had my sister Nancy pick up my "race package".  She left it at my house for me.  In it was a little card with words that I will try to always remember.  She is so good with words.  

"Just remember that no matter what we have or do, there is always someone who appears to do it faster, better, stronger.  The key is to find joy in our own accomplishments and successes.  We don't always know their stories, nor they ours.  You have accomplished so much this past year.  Be gentle and loving to yourself and try to silence the critical, perfectionistic voice that wants you to believe that none of it is good enough.  That voice is lying!  You are a beautiful, amazing, kind, strong woman and I am so proud of you!  I will be running with you in spirit tomorrow and maybe in real time someday."

Wow, words to live by right?  Well, race day came and it was pouring rain.  My sweet husband agreed to come and cheer me on.  

doesn't he look so happy to be here?

I was nervous but I just told myself, you having been running 5K for awhile now so just get out there and run.  Don't worry about anyone else.  So I just tried to relax and run!  It went great.  Lots of people went by me at first but I kept my pace similar to what I would normally run and soon I was passing some of those people!  I ended up with a time of  31:22.  Which is a personal best for me.  I have been doing it in about 34  so I was very happy with that.  Here are some photos from the race.

I was very wet by then!

almost finished!

Finish line!!

It felt so good to run a race.  That day was also our 23rd Anniversary.  I was so happy to have my husband there to cheer me on.  We have been through a lot in 23 years but I wouldn't change it for the world.  We ended the day with a supper out to the Keg with or boys.  It was great.

23 years!

Sadly, after that race on June 10th I hurt my foot (left foot, same one that has had 2 surgeries).  I have been struggling with plantar faciitis ever since.  I have only tried to run once since that day and it was agony.  I have been icing it and stretching it and hoping that it will go away.  I have gone to the Dr. and she says I just need to rest it.  I also have some physio scheduled.  I am frustrated, just when my I was finally able to run a whole 5K I now have to stop running.  Hopefully temporarily.  In the meantime I have gone back to weekly yoga and hope to add one more class a week.  I am still doing my Body Pump weight class at the gym and loving how that makes me feel.  So onward and upward from here. 

Bad bad blogger.....and my "crack"

First off, I know I have been very bad at blogging lately.  It's really been tough now that I don't have a weekly weigh in.  Trust me, I recently have been thinking about going back to that!  I go through scale ups and downs and I am having trouble sticking to it these days.  But....I seem to have my mojo back.  I am really watching what I'm eating again (tracking) and my exercise has been great!

Ice cream.  My "crack".  I swear I live for this stuff.  I obviously did fine with it for the 14 months that I was losing weight but it seems like now I have been craving it and giving into the cravings more often.  I realize that I can still have it and just have it in moderation but what is my deal?  I end up at the store and it ends up in my cart, then it ends up in a bowl and ultimately in my belly!  I have seen people writing letters to their "crack" food.  Something like this........

             Dear Ice Cream,


             I have loved you forever and you have left me feeling sad and bloated.  You have gotten in the way of my weight loss and I just can't have that anymore.  It's been great knowing you but I have to tell you, it's over.  We cannot just be friends.  You are taking over my life and I want it back.  So goodbye ice cream......sniff, sniff.  


            Love you forever,


            Me


But I'm afraid that just isn't going to work for me.  I need it to be in my life.  I bought a Yonanas machine.  It's great!  It takes frozen bananas and other frozen fruit and grinds it into soft serve.  Google it and watch the video, it is really amazing!  Very creamy and it's really only fruit (unless you add things like chocolate chips and peanut butter - not that I've ever done that, no way not me!).  I love it but in all reality it's not ice cream :-(  I also love frozen yogurt.  I could eat that every day too.  What I am thinking of doing is making a deal with myself.  Letting myself have real ice cream only once a week.  A whole bowl full of the stuff.  Guilt free.  Instead of trying to "work" it in to my daily points (because trust me that aint working).  Then the yonanas or fat free frozen yogurt I can have whenever, but just allow myself the once a week ice cream.  That's my plan.  I'll keep you posted.  


Still running.  I took a bit of a break because, well gee I really don't know why?  But I'm back again and doing good.  I don't know if I will ever be able to run more than 5K (3.1 miles).  I have heard that if you can run 5K you can run 10K.  I don't believe that for a second!  I'm dying by the end of 5K, but I will try.  I think just increasing by a little bit every week or so.  My first real 5K is on June 10th.  The Bridge City Boogie.  I can't wait!  On Sunday it's my 49th birthday.  I am going to walk the Weight Watcher's Walk it 5K with my sister and sister-in-law.  Should be fun!  I will try to get a few pics and post them here.  

Deep thoughts and First weigh in as a Lifetimer!

First things first!  I have been really stressing lately about the whole "Weigh in" thing.  I almost think it would have been better for me to just keep weighing in weekly for awhile.  That was suggested to me by my wise leader Roz.  It feels like it's just way to easy to let things slide, then frantically try to get to a good place in time for the monthly weigh in.  But, I'm doing good.  So far.  I just have to get it in my head that I'm doing this all the time, every day.  Tracking and eating right has to happen every day for me.  Unfortunately, lately that hasn't been the case.  Today was a good day though so after my run (5K still haven't tried to do more than that) I headed over to WW.  I was a pound under my goal so I was very happy with that number!

My exercise has been going really good these days and that makes me happy.  I have been doing my weight class (Body Pump) 2 times a week and then running on the opposite days.  I feel like that is "do-able" for the long term.  I still really miss Yoga, Spin, and Zumba and want to try to find a way to fit those in on occasion.  I think it's funny that all I'm using my gym membership for is the 2 classes a week, but when I think back to all the times I have joined a gym and then not gone AT ALL it isn't so bad.  It's always there for me to use, when the weather is bad or if I decide to take a different class.

For the "deep thoughts" portion of this post, I was asked the other day at work how I had lost all the weight.  A question I get asked a lot actually.  Mostly I just say, Weight Watchers and the gym but I said this "I said no to food when I really wanted to say yes and I said yes to working out when I really wanted to say no".   No easy fix folks.  Eat less and move more.