Both sides......

I've looked at life from both sides now....... I know, I know, it's corny to quote a song but it's very true. As a side note, my sweet Mom used to do this all the time when I was growing up and it drove me nuts!  She was always singing a song when something reminded her of a song.  Now I totally do it too :-)  I've also realized it's not a bad thing that I have a lot of my Mom's qualities.  She's an amazing woman.

Now back to the subject of this post.  I run blog posts through my head for days before I finally get to my computer and get them posted.  Does anyone else do this too or is it just me?  Monday night I had this post completely done and then I fell asleep and I must have accidentally deleted it before I hit publish.  I was not amused.  I, not unlike other bloggers I follow and admire have gained some weight. I feel like I'm in good company.  These are people that I have followed in their journeys and admired their successes.  We are human.  We lose weight and unfortunately we gain it too.  Not always, but seriously look at the statistics.....it happens.  I've been at both sides of this weight loss journey.  Here's some thoughts.

I have been a Weight Watcher at goal.   I have been a new member looking at 50 + pounds to lose.

I have had a closet full of nice clothes that all fit me and I felt good in them.  I have had a closet full of clothes that didn't all fit me and what did fit was bulky and bought to hide my flaws.

I have felt in control of food.  I have felt like the food controlled me.

I've been able to shop in any store I want for clothes, even Costco (not a big deal to some but it was HUGE to me!).  I've been very limited with the stores I could buy clothes in.

I have felt very fit and even ran a 5K without stopping.  I have been out of breath running up the stairs.

When I went out it was fun to get dressed up.  When I went out I agonized over finding something that didn't make me look horrible.


I fit into a size 10 comfortably and even a size 8 in a pair of lululemon yoga pants.  I fit into a size 18 and even a size 20 pair of capris (even though I cut the tag out when I got them home).

I have felt very good about my body.  I have felt very ashamed of my body.

I have cried tears of joy over my weight loss success.  I have cried tears of sadness over my weight gain.

I was a normal weight.  I was overweight.

I was happy.  I was sad.

So you see, if you were me which side you would want to be on.  I need to do this.  I'm still struggling but I'm slowly starting to pull myself out of this.  I did end up joining the gym.  It's a beautiful facility with great classes and 3 locations in the city.  2 of which are relatively close to me (I live in a fairly small city, I'm sure some of you would laugh if you knew how close the far away location is!) and one is clear across the city!  But the one that is far away (it took my 15 minutes by car the other day.....in traffic it will be longer) is the one that my sister and 2 of my nieces go to.  I went to a weight class there with them on Monday (our Thanksgiving day).  Similar to Body Pump, they call it Group Power. I don't know if it was the combination of being in the front row and being with people I knew but I really pushed it, and now I'm so fricking sore!  I used to do that class faithfully 2 times a week, sometimes 3.  I have a long way to go to get back there but it's a start.  I also went to a Step class last week too.  It was good too.  They have lots of yoga classes and even hot yoga that I'm dying to try.  I'm still working with my confidence and the fact that I feel like everyone is judging me.  I know they probably aren't and like my sister said "most people are too self absorbed to even care!"  I know she's right.  I just have to suck it up and continue to get my butt off the couch.