Tracking

Yes, I actually tracked all my food today and stayed within my 26 points.  Baby steps people, baby steps.  I feel like my head is finally getting into the game here.  The past few weeks I have been flip-flopping around with all the ways I'm going to lose this extra weight I've put on.  I really just wish it was as much fun taking it off as it was putting it on.  Are you with me?  I look at this 15 or so pounds I have to lose and I think really it's not that much, just hunker down and do it.  But then I realize how long it can take to lose 15 lbs and I get discouraged.  I know, I know it's not 60 lbs or 100 lbs but it's still going to take some work and discipline.  And it's not going to happen overnight or at a "Biggest Loser" speed.  I think to myself, maybe I should try Paleo again.  I loved not tracking my food and I lost weight.  But as much as I felt great, it's just too restricting for me.  Especially in the Summer.  Because damn it I might want to have a cold beer or a glass of wine once in awhile!  Not too mention frozen yogurt!  I get crazy thoughts of doing fasts or cleanses.  Life would be so much easier if we didn't need to eat food, every day.  But we do.    So I know that in the end Weight Watchers is the right fit for me.  It's going to be my life from now on.

I feel like I was robbed.  I keep hearing of all these people losing weight and fitting into single digit sizes.  As much as I know it's not about a number on the scale or your dress size it's still makes me jealous.  But what really makes me mad is that the sizes have gotten bigger.  Because when I weighed 145 lbs at 5'7" I was not a size 8.  I was a size 10.  In fact my wedding dress was a size 11.  So now when I was at my goal weight of 165 lbs I was a size 10.  If I was 20 lbs less than that today, would I be a size 6?  Weird.  It doesn't matter I know but it's just one of those things you think about.  In fact one of the bloggers I'm jealous of fit into a pair of size 8 jeans today.  She's lost 89 lbs so far and looks fabulous!  You deserve it Chubby (gotta change that name.....it just doesn't fit anymore!).

I present to you again my "shoebox of weight loss failures".  I have tried many plans over the years and had success with a few, but none have helped me like Weight Watchers has.  I'm sticking with it for the long haul :-)

Key Lime pie.....mmmm

Today was good.  Eating was on track, I did Body Pump (and it nearly killed me) and I went for a long walk tonight with the dog.  Having a day off and starting on the road to eating better and working out is a no-brainer for me.  Tomorrow will be another story.  Work all day, come home tired and grumpy to an empty house and it can get ugly.  I really need to address the loneliness issues I have been facing.  I'm sure it's a huge part of my poor eating / binge eating of late.  When my husband is away (which is a lot) I get in a funk.  I am a different person.  I get down and turn to food for comfort.  I'm not proud of that but it's been happening more and more lately.  When I reached goal in 2012 I was doing so many classes at the gym in the evenings that I didn't seem to have time to get lonely.  Ah ha!!  Well, here's the thing.  I cancelled my gym membership a few months ago.  The gym that I had been going to has gotten SO DAMN BUSY!!  It's not a fun place to be anymore when you are fighting for a spot in the locker room and fighting for a spot in class (and sometimes not even guaranteed a spot if you aren't early).  The parking situation is terrible, and I know what you're all thinking.  Why does she care if she has to walk a bit from her car to go and work out??  It's not that, it's that you are rushing from work to try to get there in time to get a spot in a class and then there is NO parking.  It wasn't always like that.  I joined when it was just a new spacious, quiet gym.  And the thing that bothers me is they are always signing new people up!  C'mon Good Life Fitness!  You are full!!  OK rant over......I need a new gym.  My plan is to sign up for another one in the Fall.  Until then I'm going to do my at home DVD's and run, walk and bike outside.  But I do think that will help with the loneliness.  If I have a few classes a week to go to there is less time home alone.  I'm working on it.  Blogging more will help too :-)

If any of you follow me on Instagram (kimma2) or Twitter (kimma2) you may have seen that I posted a picture of a WW key lime pie.  I made it tonight and it was delicious!  Thanks to @TheDailyMel for posting the recipe via http://www.itsuxtobefat.com/recipes/weight-watchers-key-lime-pie-recipe  I will post my pics and recipe because of course I am in Canada and we don't have the same food as the USA does.  I will admit since doing the Whole 30 challenge a few months ago I have really tried to cut out my artificial sweetners and since then I can taste them.  But it was a nice treat and I would make it again.  The boys (actually grown men now at 22 and 20 but they will always be my babies!) haven't tried it yet but I'm sure they will love it.  Dean thought it was great and kept asking if I really made it with fat free yogurt!  I'm such a good cook!  hahaha!

Weight Watchers Key Lime Pie:  5 points per serving
serves:  8  (I changed it because seriously who cuts a pie into tenths?)

One Graham Cracker Crust (I used the Keebler ready made, couldn't find the reduced fat one here)
Note:  I figured out the points of the crust I used to be 3 points in 1/8 of the crust so I'm not sure of the difference in using the reduced fat crust.  I'm hoping 5 points is still ok!
1 1/2 cups of fat free Key Lime flavored yogurt
1/2 of a 1 litre tub of fat free cool whip
1 box of sugar free Lime Jello
1/4 cup of water

Directions:  Heat 1/4 cup of water in the microwave for a minute or two until the water starts to boil.  Or just boil some water in the kettle.  Dissolve the jellow in boiling water.
In a mixing bowl, combine the jello with the yogurt until it's combined.  Gently fold in the cool whip.  When it's all combined, pour it into the pie crust.  Cover (I just flip the plastic lid from the pie shell over and it makes a dome) and refrigerate until set (at least two hours).  Enjoy.

I'm still here!!

180.3 lbs.  Yes that is the sad number.  I can honestly say that I have stayed around 5 lbs above my goal for a long time, but I was able to put on 10 lbs very easily in the past few months.  I am not happy about it, but I'm trying to keep my head up, move on and learn from my mistakes.  I could sit here and write about all the things that lead me to that weight gain but I won't.  Let's just say that I ate a lot of food that I shouldn't have and I haven't been exercising as much as I used to.  Not a great combination.  And of course as we all know, it's what leads to weight gain.  It's funny, I'm not Catholic but I feel like this must be what confession is like.  Forgive me blog followers, for I have sinned.  I'm not perfect, that's for sure but I'm not giving up.  I remember how good I felt at my goal weight.  I remember how it felt to not have my belly sticking out (granted it was never flat, but smaller than it is now).  I used to lay in bed in the morning and feel my hip bones and my stomach and think "wow, I'm really not a fat person anymore!"  And to be honest my goal was never to get skinny, it was to be a normal sized, healthy person.  My body doesn't feel like that now.  I look in my closet and my options are limited.  I am still fitting into size 12's and Large's for the most part but the size 10's and Medium's are getting pushed further back.  So, the journey continues.  I went back to WW determined to do it again but after a 5 lb loss the first week, then a slight gain the second I haven't been back.  Why you may ask?  I was embarassed.  I know those ladies have seen ups and downs that would likely make my head spin but I just feel like I can't face them.  I need to face them.  I need to walk into my WW meeting with my head held high and say "I'm back, this time for good".  I know they will welcome me with open arms, because that's what WW is all about.  They are not there to judge, they are there to help.  And clearly I need help.  I have developed the "I will just eat _____ and _____ then I will start tomorrow" attitude.  And tomorrow just keeps getting pushed further and further away.  I'm smart enough to know that if I don't get this under control I will gain all the weight back that I worked so hard to lose.  One of the things that keeps nawing at me is that my neice is getting married in September.  I had it in my head I was going to be back at goal by then.  I think I have to let that go.  It's possible but it's not realistic.  I know how hard it is.  What I am telling myself is that I will weigh less than I do today by September 28, it won't be 165 but it sure as hell won't be 180 either!!  I have a plan.  I'm going to put one foot in front of the other and not worry so much about how long it's going to take to get back to goal but just get there.  And I will get there.  

Oh ya, I turned 50 last month!!  I had a wonderful Birthday.  I felt very loved :-)  50 is just a number and I am looking forward to being in better health in my 50's than I was in my 40's!  

3 mile run on June 2, 2013 for another virtual run the day before my 50th Birthday 

(shrinkingjeans "run the hood" Foxy 5K)

June 2, 2013 - family surprise party

June 3, 2013 - my 50th Birthday and more cake 

If your still reading this, I thank you for sticking with me.  June is a busy month.  Lots of celebrations.  But somehow last year I was able to celebrate without a big gain.  Like I said before, moving on.  Trying not to be too hard on myself.  I can do this.  I will do this.....again.