getting real

I had a good day today, but it started off bad.  I finally stepped on the scale after a week or so of avoiding it.  I have learned a lot in this past couple of years (I started at WW January 12, 2011) and some of those things I seem to be forgetting. So I think it's time for a reminder.  

1. I need to weigh myself often.  Probably not every day but a few times a week for sure.  Even though it makes me crazy at times it keeps me in check.  I have to do this.....forever.
2. There are certain foods that I can't control and therefore should NOT have in my house.  No matter what I try to tell myself, it's just too hard for me to be around certain foods.  Examples are candy, chips and ice cream.  My boys are the reason that I tell myself that I need to have those things in the house but let's be honest, if they want them they can very easily get it for themselves!  Halloween was bad for me this year.  I started off with good intentions but I ended up buying half price candy a few times and it ended up calling my name in the evenings!  When I should have been snacking on fruit I was eating CANDY!  
3. Exercise isn't always going to be fun but it needs to be done.  It's like I went into mourning when Winter came this year.  I was enjoying running outside so much that I've been avoiding the treadmill.  I have done some running but not consistently.  I am a member of an awesome gym that has awesome classes.  I have to get to more of them than just Body Pump 2 times a week.  And there are some really fun classes at the gym that I need to revisit. 
4. I need to let myself get hungry now and then.  I know this goes against what some people say about weight loss but I have seriously not had that feeling lately at all.  That's what overeating feels like.  Always having a full stomach.  
5. I have to quit grazing in the evenings again.  I had this down pat.  I would have one snack in the evening and that was it.  Lately I'm just not satisfied.  I'm looking for something and I can't seem to find it.  So I keep looking and eating my way through the fridge and the cupboard in the meantime.  
6. Water.  I need to drink more of it.  I don't even know how I got out of this habit.  I drank a lot of water today and it felt great.  
7. I really like buying clothes in smaller sizes.  I have some things that are a bit too snug to wear right now and it sucks so bad.  I like wearing size 10 jeans.  I never, ever, ever want to shop in Plus Size stores / sections again.  
8. Tracking.  Why am I struggling with this?  When I had the best success I wrote every morsel of food I consumed in a WW journal.  Bring on technology.  Track on my iphone.  I use "my fitness pal" app, it's great but then I feel like I'm cheating on WW.  So I signed up for WW e-tools again.  Paid the money and started using the app.  Here's the thing, it's not as good in my opinion as the my fitness pal app.  Apparently the WW e-tools app is better in the US.  Ours doesn't have a scanner and the food list is really lacking.  I want easy, so I'm going back with my fitness pal. Bottom line, I need to track every morsel of food I ingest.  It's what works for me.
9. I need to stop comparing myself to others.  A lot of the people I follow on Twitter are runners, some are successful WW members, and some are complete BEASTS!  What I need to remind myself is that most of them are a lot younger than me.  I'm not using that as an excuse I'm just reminding myself of something my sister said to me "Just remember that no matter what we have or do, there is always someone who appears to do it faster, better, stronger.  The key is to find joy in our own accomplishments and successes."  
10. I know how to lose weight.  I have all the tools.  I have it in myself.  I will get to goal again.  It won't be this week, and it may not even be this year but it will happen because I'm NOT going back.  

Results not typical....

Results not typical.  What does that mean exactly? It's a disclaimer that most weight loss companies put in small print after their success stories.  To me it  means that losing weight and keeping it off is a hard thing to do and most people can't do it.  Apparently 95% of people gain back all the weight they have lost after finishing a weight loss program.  Most within the first year.  So how do you become one of the 5% that keep the weight off forever?  I wish I knew.  I was at my goal for 6 months.  I am now on my 3rd month of being over my goal.  It's still only somewhere between 5-10 lbs but it's really got me down.  It's really strange, in my mind it's like I've already gained all the weight back.  I don't know how to explain it.  I feel fat.  I feel bad.  I feel like a failure.  And because I am wrestling with these feelings I am turning to food for comfort.  Isn't that ironic?  But it seems that old habits die hard.  It's a good thing I am still exercising or I'm sure the weight gain would be much more.  I have started a 10K training plan, I am using the Runkeeper app on my phone. I still hate running on the treadmill but I'm trying to work through it.  I have rigged up a way to watch my ipad while I'm on there and that has really helped.  Before I found a way to secure it to the treadmill it fell off one time.  My heart skipped a beat when if dropped and flew to the end of the treadmill and hit the wall behind!!  I was so glad it made it through unscathed!  Bottom line, it has snowed a ton here now so I won't be running outside until Spring.  I have to face that fact!  I am very jealous of all my fellow bloggers and Twitter friends that are continuing to run outside.  Here is a picture of my virtual 5K race and my first race medal ever!  Dani over at weightoffmyshoulders.com held a 5K race on her 30th Birthday for her family and friends and opened it up to "virtual" runners as well.  I was in a bad place that weekend emotionally but after that race I felt so much better.

My first race medal :-)

     

I have had some emotional stuff going on which I won't go into detail here because I'm really not sure who reads my blog.  It's been a really hard time for me.  I am seeing a counselor and it's helping but I have definitely turned to food more than once because of this.  But I will say that exercise has really helped me with my stress.  I'm thankful for that.

I feel like I have turned into that person that I used to HATE when I was overweight!  One of those that needs to lose 10 lbs.  Seriously, how can someone be upset about being 10 lbs overweight??  Try 60, now that's a REAL problem.  Right?  Now that I'm here I can tell you that 10 lbs is a big deal.  Of course it's nothing like having to lose 100 lbs or 50 lbs but it's still hard.  And I'm struggling.  I am still amazed at how easy it is to GAIN weight and how hard it is to LOSE it.

Where do I go from here?  I keep putting one foot in front of the other.  I continue to exercise and try to do a lot better tracking my food and controlling my emotional eating.  Because I don't like this feeling.  And I try to blog more.