Time to check in!

Last week's weigh in was disappointing but not surprising to be honest.  Weight Watchers works if you work it.  I had a few off days where I didn't track and I didn't officially work out at all this week.  I'd love to be able to say that's changed this week, but it hasn't.  I've got to get off my butt and do this.

It's funny, the day you weigh in shouldn't matter but I swear it's messing with my head!  I liked the idea of Fridays.  I find I can be good as gold during the week but tend to slip up a bit on the weekends.  So, I suppose I was "undoing" the damage that I had done on the weekend from Monday to Friday.  I feel this Tuesday weigh in leaves no room for that.  I have to get over that though because I like my meeting.  When I got to Lifetime status it was a Friday meeting.  I pretty much got into the routine of using some of my "weekly" bonus points on Friday night.  I need to change my thought process.  Make every day as perfect as I can.  Take it day by day, meal by meal.  I sound like a broken record!

This isn't easy, but it's so worth it.  I know that first hand.

I bought myself a new journal the other day.  I have never been able to keep a daily journal.  I have tried and I just can't do it.  Even though I'm the only one out of my Mom and my 2 sisters that doesn't!  I guess we are all different.  What I plan to do is to keep a Gratitude Journal.  I'm a huge Oprah fan and this is something that she has preached for years.  I'm going to try to find at least 5 things every day that I'm grateful for.  I'll let you know how it goes.

Life's little ups and downs

It's been a long week.  Without going into any details I have had a lot of stress this week.  Combine that with a husband that is never home and the longest Winter in history and I'm not a happy girl.   I am ready for things to start looking up!

My foot has been really getting me down these days too.  It's really not feeling all that much better.  By the time I get home from work it's throbbing in pain.  Mostly in the heel area.  It's almost like I can feel the heel spur.  I know it's likely psychological but who knows?  Last week I went to the gym a total of ZERO times.  I just haven't felt like going with my foot so sore.  I thought the insoles were helping and I think they are but I guess it's just not getting better as fast I had hoped.  So more rest and physiotherapy for me.  Fun Runs coming up that I won't be able to attend makes me sad.  Feeling sorry for myself for sure.  I'm having a bit of a pity party over here!

Ok, working on it.  Hahaha!

Weight Watchers was good this week.  I lost 1.2 lbs.  Not a huge loss but slow and steady is ok by me.  I reached my 5% goal and I can't believe I'm almost at the 10 lb mark.  Hopefully by next week.  I was a bit "snacky" this week.  I need to work on shutting down the kitchen and pantry early in the evening.  It's becoming a problem.  So that is my goal this week.  Stop the night time snacks.  I'm going to limit myself to one.  Hopefully I can stick to this.  That being said I haven't been going over in points at all, just perhaps eating too many of them in the evening.  I am a bit of a point hoarder.  I used to do this when I was losing before too.  Eat a low point breakfast and lunch, just in case I wanted to eat a big supper (I'm not much of a meal planner if you hadn't noticed!).  It usually backfires because you end up with too many points left over at the end of the night or you eat them all in the evening in the form of SNACKS!  Gotta stop this.  It's all about finding the right balance.  

One thing I have been doing is lots of stairs at work.  We have a huge spiral staircase 4 floors up.  I try to do this on my breaks.  Up and down as many times as I can.  Probably not good for my foot but it's pretty much the only exercise I've been getting lately.  Especially last week.  Life, is full of ups and downs.  Here's hoping I start getting more "ups" than "downs" soon! 

stairs......

Goodbye 190's.....again

Weight Watchers meeting tonight.  I lost 1.4 lbs and I am  happy with that number.  Saying goodbye to the 190's again.  Frustrating to have to lose this weight again, but I am determined to do it.  Moving forward, trying not to look back.  Learning from my mistakes, living in the present.

Update on the gym.  I went on Friday and Sunday.  I rode the stationary bike both days and my foot felt good.  On Friday I did the elliptical for about 15 minutes and it really hurt my foot, so I guess that's out for now.  But the bike was good, and even though I'm not a fan it felt good to do something and the time went pretty fast as there are TV screens on each machine.

My Dr. Scholls insoles seem to be doing the trick.  I am wearing shoes all the time now.  Even though I hate it I have to admit it's helping the pain.  So that's positive.

One more thing.  I know I maybe late to the party here but to all my Weight Watcher friends I bought a box of WW smoothies last week.  They only had one box left, chocolate.  I made it a few times just with almond milk  2 pp for smoothie and 1 pp for almond milk.  Well today I added a frozen banana, and OMG it was like a milkshake!  I'm not kidding, it was very good.  For some reason they don't have any left at my meeting.  Hoping they get some more for next week, because I will be having that again.  Yum.

That's all I've got for now.  I leave you with a picture of my window sill.  My jar of pounds lost and pounds still to lose.  The heart shaped jar is the pounds I have lost on WW.  I still need to add today's stone.  It really helps to have a visual, that you see every day.

Random Ramblings....

Today is the first of 4 days off for me!  I've made a big to-do list and ready to tackle some of the things that I've been putting off.  In my opinion, there is nothing like checking things off a list to make you feel good.  One of the first things on my list is to go to the gym.  I need to get back there and after this week I just know it's time.  We had a few really nice days where the sun was shining, the snow was melting and I just couldn't stop myself from getting out and walking.  I took Kayla (my dog) to the dog park on Sunday and I walked for a half an hour 3 days on my lunch breaks.  I was loving it, but I'm sorry to say my foot was not.  I have been in so much pain these past few days it's not even funny.  To make a long story short I feel I need to totally stop the "extra" walking and switch up my exercise to stationary bike, rowing machine, elliptical, etc for now.  I talked to a woman at work that has plantar faciitis and she has custom fit orthotics and is totally cured.  She never walks in bare feet and wears shoes with her orthotics (even in the house) all the time.  Frick.  I love bare feet.  I never wear shoes in the house.  But I hate this pain.  So I went to the drugstore last night and got on the Dr. Scholl's machine and got my foot profile.  $49.99 later I have a pair of "custom fit" orthotics.  I know, I know these are not the kind from the Podiatrist but I'm hoping they will help.  6 month money back guarantee so what do I have to lose?  And here is the thing, I wore them a bit last night and set them by my bed.  I put them on this morning and I have hardly had any pain since!  We'll see.  With any luck the grossly inflamed and damaged tissue in my foot will heal and I can proceed with what I love, walking and running (slowly!).  Time will tell.  In the meantime, I will get my sorry ass to the gym!

Weight Watchers was good this week.  I lost 1.6 lbs.  I thought it might be more but I'm happy with a loss.  Down 7 in total since recommitting to the program.  It's funny I see people in what looks like "weigh in day" clothes.  Yoga pants, dresses, etc.  I have been there but I swear I will not play those games again.  I go directly from work and I am generally in jeans.  That's what I am going to wear to weigh in.  I used to play those games where I knew I hadn't lost much so I would wear something lighter, or go to a morning meeting instead of an evening or noon one.  Not going there folks.  This is going to be a slow process but one that will get me there.  I'm anxious to get out of the 190's though, hopefully next week.

One thing I have noticed about the meetings is the product pushing and the "formula" meeting.  The WW flip charts and topics are usually from the weekly newsletter.  I don't hate it but I am finding that the half hour goes so quickly and the group doesn't usually get much time to talk.  Yes we talk about the topic but not much time to share "food finds", recipes and feelings about challenges etc.  I really like this leader, she's great but I sort of miss the old style meetings where you just sort of chatted about this weight loss journey and how the program was going for you with others that shared ideas and strategies.  And they really really push the products.  Whoah!  Are we on commission here?  I get it, WW needs to make money but c'mon.  This is just my opinion but I would be interested to know if I'm the only one that feels this way.  That all being said, it's a great program.  It helped me to lose 58 lbs and get to my goal and it's working again.  It really does work.

I'm going to check off some things on my list.  Number 1 is go to the gym!  Later gators :-)

Update on me

I feel like I've been writing this post in my head for months.  I would think about what I would write, then decide not to do it.  Who cares?  Who reads this?  Why do I need to share my story?  So here's the thing, I do this blog mostly for me.  Here goes.

Over the past few months I have gained weight.  It's been rough.  I have lots of excuses but none of them really matter.  The truth is I have an unhealthy relationship with food.  I overeat when I'm stressed.  I overeat when I'm lonely or bored.  I overeat when I'm feeling helpless about my weight.  Go figure, right?  It's a vicious cycle.

Dean and I took a trip to Maui January 29 - February 10 this year.  It was a fabulous trip.  Other than the fact that the weather wasn't perfect, the trip was great.  I loved Maui and want to go back there.  We are hoping to go again next year so we'll see.  I ran a 5 K race while we were there.  Pacific Whale foundation "run for the whales".  Before we left, my right foot was starting to hurt and feel like plantar faciitis again.  I tried to back off of running a bit and it seemed ok before we left.  During the race it started to hurt so bad.  I finished the race but I was in major pain by the time I was done.  Of course the race was near the beginning of the trip so the rest of it I hobbled around.  When I got  home, I tried to rest it as much as I could, I iced and took ibuprofen.  About 2 weeks later I went to the Dr. because it wasn't feeling any better.  She sent me for physiotherapy and did an x-ray (the x-ray revealed a small bone spur).  He said I indeed have plantar faciitis again.  And I did a terrible thing by wearing flip flops and bare feet after injuring it so bad during the race.  Oopsie.  My point is, and I do have one is that now I can't do the exercise that I'm used to doing.  Running / walking.  But I will never forget at the beginning of this journey in January 2011 I had just finished having my second surgery on my left foot.  And I lost weight.  My Dr. always used to say "it's the food" and with me it really is.  Once I get the food under control, the exercise always comes later.  That being said, I am going to start back at the gym this week.  I'm pretty sure I can do the elliptical machine and the stationary bike (not my favourite) and of course upper body work as well.

me after the race in Maui 

2 weeks ago I started Weight Watchers again.  I felt so helpless after we got home.  And all my attempts to lose weight by myself were not working or hadn't been working.  Weight Watchers is what helped me before and I know it can help me again.  I did feel that this time I needed a fresh start though.  A new meeting, a new leader,  a new day.  I found a great meeting and a great leader.  That first night I was horrified by the number I saw on the scale.  But I saw the number and I moved on.  I am more determined than ever to get back to goal.  I will do it.  I'm trying very hard to not give myself a timeline this time.  It will happen when it happens.  I need to concentrate on changing my relationship with food.  Finding new ways to deal with stress, loneliness, boredom, sadness, etc.
My new meeting is Tuesday at 5:30.  I am going to start updating the numbers at the sidebar of my blog too.  Keep me accountable.  I packed up all my smaller clothes in a rubbermaid bin.  I have changed the little blue glass stones in the heart shaped jar to reflect the gain and the pounds I need to lose.  Moving on.

Beautiful Maui

25 things you might not know about me

Hello all!

I thought I would do a "things about me" post.  I was going to do 10 but decided on 25.  Once I got started I just couldn't stop!

25 things about me:

1)  I'm obsessed with sunrises and sunsets!  

2)  I love beaches and the ocean

3)  My favourite food is ice cream

4)  My favourite colour is pink.  2nd favourite is light teal (like the ocean!)

5)  I'm the youngest of 4 children

6)  I met my husband in Kindergarten

7)  I want to learn to take beautiful pictures

8)  I love dogs and I dislike cats

9)  I'm a scrapbooker and have a huge paper collection

10)  I have also knitted, made jewelry, painted wood (folk art) and done ceramics.  I guess you could say I'm crafty!

11)  I love Birthdays and I always get sad when mine is over

12)  I hate Winter and I love Summer

13)  I'm not afraid of bugs but I am afraid of snakes

14)  I am very sensitive and tend to get hurt easily by what people say

15)  My favourite movies are romantic comedies.  I dislike science fiction, war and horror movies.

16)  I have lived in the same city all my life except one year

17)  the toilet paper has to roll from the top not the bottom.  And I will change it if it's wrong

18)  One of my favourite authors is Diana Gabaldon and I've met her 3 times

19)  My celebrity crush is Justin Timberlake

20)  My favourite number has always been 2.  I try to pick things with that number in it

21)  I love to travel!  On my list of places I want to see are New York City, Italy, Greece and anywhere in the Caribbean.

22)  I have worn glasses or contacts since I was 7 years old

23)  My name is Kim Marie but I always wished it was Kimberly

24)  I sewed my own Grade 12 Graduation dress.  It was pink satin with ribbon detail.  My date didn't show up for my prom :-(, needless to say it was our last date.

25)  I think I'm a good singer but no one has ever told me


On to weight loss items.  I am doing pretty good.  Trying to be patient with myself and not beat myself up.  This is hard for me.  One thing that I have always struggled with was the number on the scale.  It makes me crazy.  I get obsessed with weighing in too much.  Seeing a loss makes me happy, and in a sense a little cocky so I eat more.  Seeing a gain makes me sad, which makes me eat more.  It's not good.  I saw someone post about a Quantum scale.  It's a very cool idea.  It's a scale that never shows your weight!  Well not the number anyway.  It actually records your initial weight (without showing you the scary number), then it will show you a plus or minus of pounds (or kilograms) gained or lost.  I ordered one and have been using it this week.  I have to say it's pretty cool.  I'm not sure it's real accurate.  I'll keep you posted.  Eventually I will go back to a real scale because I will be curious but this is working for now.  Here's the site if you want to check it out quantumscale.com

Monday - it was a good day

Day off today.  EDO also known as earned day off.  We work an extra half an hour a day that we get to take off as a day every 3 weeks.  Works for me.  Tomorrow is my day off for working this coming Saturday. I picked up my Mom and one of my nieces and we headed downtown.  We had lunch and did a bit of shopping.  It was nice.

I met my sister and niece at the gym for a 4:30 Group Power class.  It's really hard to get used the the new name with the new gym.  To me it is Body Pump.  Meh, I'll adjust.

I came home and made supper and caught up on Twitter, Facebook etc.  I found a very interesting post from someone that I just started following.  It's funny, it was a link to a person who's page I used to "like" but I found she posted WAY too much so I "unliked" her page awhile back.  I read this and it really hit home to me.  Her blog is gokaleo.com and you can like her page on Facebook "Go Kaleo".  So here's what she said:

 How I overcame 3 decades of obesity.

I stopped:

-hating myself
-dieting
-reading diet books
-believing most of what I read on the internet
-shaming myself for enjoying food
-putting my life on hold 'until I lost weight'
-judging other women's bodies

I started:

-practicing self-care
-being physically active doing something I enjoy every day
-eating foods I enjoy in appropriate amounts
-making sure to get enough protein every day
-focusing on what my body can DO rather than how it looks
-being gentle with myself when I made mistakes
-perceiving those mistakes as valuable learning opportunities
-focusing on BUILDING a healthier body rather than TEARING DOWN the body I already had
-looking for the beauty in other women

She seems to figured this out.  I have not.  Two of the things I struggle with is self hatred and comparing myself to others.  This has to stop.  I am a work in progress.  I will get there.  Onward and upward.

Oh and I got the sweetest email from the coordinator of the Run for the Whales in Maui!  It seems I'm a little too eager for the race.  Online registration hasn't opened yet.  Ooops.  She said to check back when it gets a little closer to the Feb 2nd 2014 date.  I will do that :-)

Sunday musings

I woke up this morning with a sinus headache.  Boohoo!  I was hoping I could somehow avoid the dreaded Fall cold that's going around.  Maybe I can still fight it off.  I was planning to try a Hot Yoga class at the gym today but I think I will skip it.  I've literally done nothing so far today (except have breakfast and coffee) and it's almost noon.  I have booked a flight to Calgary for November 1-3 to visit my BFF so that's exciting!  Also I looked into races that I could run while in Maui.  I found an awesome one!  I'm so pumped.  There seems to be a problem with online registration but I have emailed the representative so hopefully I can register soon.  No medals unless you place 1st, 2nd or 3rd but T-Shirts and a breakfast after so I'm happy with that.  And how amazing will it be to run right beside the ocean in Maui??!!  Yup I'm so in.  Hopefully my darling husband will be on board.  Maybe I'll sign him up for the walk!  Here's the link if anyone is interested mauiwhalefestival
I'm thinking of doing the 10K.  It would be my first, and it would be incentive to keep me running over the Winter.

I went to a Group Power class yesterday.  It was good!  I almost didn't go, because none of my family was able to come and I was running a bit late.  But I'm so glad I did.  It felt so good.  My goal is to do that class 2 times a week, run as much as I can (damn treadmill I hate you but Winter is almost here) and yoga at least once a week (hopefully more).  That's my plan.

101 days to Maui Trip!

Both sides......

I've looked at life from both sides now....... I know, I know, it's corny to quote a song but it's very true. As a side note, my sweet Mom used to do this all the time when I was growing up and it drove me nuts!  She was always singing a song when something reminded her of a song.  Now I totally do it too :-)  I've also realized it's not a bad thing that I have a lot of my Mom's qualities.  She's an amazing woman.

Now back to the subject of this post.  I run blog posts through my head for days before I finally get to my computer and get them posted.  Does anyone else do this too or is it just me?  Monday night I had this post completely done and then I fell asleep and I must have accidentally deleted it before I hit publish.  I was not amused.  I, not unlike other bloggers I follow and admire have gained some weight. I feel like I'm in good company.  These are people that I have followed in their journeys and admired their successes.  We are human.  We lose weight and unfortunately we gain it too.  Not always, but seriously look at the statistics.....it happens.  I've been at both sides of this weight loss journey.  Here's some thoughts.

I have been a Weight Watcher at goal.   I have been a new member looking at 50 + pounds to lose.

I have had a closet full of nice clothes that all fit me and I felt good in them.  I have had a closet full of clothes that didn't all fit me and what did fit was bulky and bought to hide my flaws.

I have felt in control of food.  I have felt like the food controlled me.

I've been able to shop in any store I want for clothes, even Costco (not a big deal to some but it was HUGE to me!).  I've been very limited with the stores I could buy clothes in.

I have felt very fit and even ran a 5K without stopping.  I have been out of breath running up the stairs.

When I went out it was fun to get dressed up.  When I went out I agonized over finding something that didn't make me look horrible.


I fit into a size 10 comfortably and even a size 8 in a pair of lululemon yoga pants.  I fit into a size 18 and even a size 20 pair of capris (even though I cut the tag out when I got them home).

I have felt very good about my body.  I have felt very ashamed of my body.

I have cried tears of joy over my weight loss success.  I have cried tears of sadness over my weight gain.

I was a normal weight.  I was overweight.

I was happy.  I was sad.

So you see, if you were me which side you would want to be on.  I need to do this.  I'm still struggling but I'm slowly starting to pull myself out of this.  I did end up joining the gym.  It's a beautiful facility with great classes and 3 locations in the city.  2 of which are relatively close to me (I live in a fairly small city, I'm sure some of you would laugh if you knew how close the far away location is!) and one is clear across the city!  But the one that is far away (it took my 15 minutes by car the other day.....in traffic it will be longer) is the one that my sister and 2 of my nieces go to.  I went to a weight class there with them on Monday (our Thanksgiving day).  Similar to Body Pump, they call it Group Power. I don't know if it was the combination of being in the front row and being with people I knew but I really pushed it, and now I'm so fricking sore!  I used to do that class faithfully 2 times a week, sometimes 3.  I have a long way to go to get back there but it's a start.  I also went to a Step class last week too.  It was good too.  They have lots of yoga classes and even hot yoga that I'm dying to try.  I'm still working with my confidence and the fact that I feel like everyone is judging me.  I know they probably aren't and like my sister said "most people are too self absorbed to even care!"  I know she's right.  I just have to suck it up and continue to get my butt off the couch.

My Amazing Weekend

My Family :-)

My niece got married yesterday.  It was an amazing day!  On Thursday of last week it was raining and the clouds seemed locked in.  The forecast for Saturday was sunny and 18 C, but it looked like that wasn't going to happen (to me anyway!).  We couldn't have asked for a nicer day.  It was a beautiful Fall day!  Even though the ceremony and reception were inside at a Hotel near the river bank it was great to be able to take pictures outside.  You can't get better lighting than natural light.  The ceremony was so nice.  My niece's Dad has never been in her life so she had her Grandpa walk her down the aisle.  It was so sweet and touching.  They wrote their own vows which was very nice and from the heart.  My sister and her friend sang a song at the ceremony "Feels Like Home".  I could go on and on but it was a really nice ceremony and the reception was great too.  Dean (my hubby) was the M.C. and he did so good!  He kept getting compliments as the night went on.  I made a slideshow for them with pics from baby right up till current day set to music.  Everyone seemed to like it.  Here's a few more pics.

Grandparents watching 

Mr & Mrs 

me and my siblings

Bridesmaids!

Cousins at the dance!  Ages 19-25 they grew up together

I could go on and on.....but I won't.  It was a great day!  I thought I looked pretty good but I was still self conscience of my weight gain.  It's not like it ruined my day, it was just on my mind.  The regret, the feeling of failure.....  I was very tired today so I didn't do much.  Some visiting, a bit of laundry and I made supper and that's about it!  I'm glad I have tomorrow off work.  

I have made up my mind to join the new gym I was talking about before.  I'm going to go tomorrow and sign up.  I need to kick start my weight loss.  I think this will help.  There is 122 days until we leave for our Maui vacation.  We are celebrating our 25th anniversary next year and this is our gift to each other.  I want to be in better shape than I am right now.  I'm going to try hard to work on the binge eating.  For me it's such a head game.  When I got to goal last year I just really believed that I was going to be successful and it worked.  I need to get my head in that same place again.  So tomorrow I will face the scale, (it won't be pretty I know) and move on.  Small steps, drinking more water, moving more and trying to get the snacking under control.  I know I can do this.  I'm going to try to blog more too and possibly post my weight numbers.  I'm still thinking about that.  I don't want to get scale obsessed / crazy.  Tomorrow is a new day.  I'm excited about the new gym.  More on that to come.  

Family is everything.  We may have our ups and downs but I love my crazy, beautiful family. 

The good, the bad and the big butt ugly.....

I miss blogging.  So here's the thing, I stopped blogging because I was at goal and really didn't have much to write about.  Then I tried to blog off and on, but I wasn't at goal anymore and I felt like no wanted to hear about my struggles.  Then someone close to me made a comment that made me upset and I started having second thoughts about blogging.  You know what, I'm 50 years old and if I want to blog about my weight loss or my weight gain or about whatever the hell I want to that's really my business right?  Right!  So read this, don't read this, comment, don't comment I don't really give a crap.  Which is a lie because of course I do care.  I'm sensitive but I'm going to try to have a thicker skin.  It's time.   I have been struggling lately I need this.  Some people like to keep journals, I like to blog.

I don't really know how much I weigh right now.  I think it's close to 180, but I haven't been on the scale in a week or so.  15 ish pounds over goal.  Maybe more who knows.  I am sad and it's making me crazy.  The vicious cycle of feeling fat and out of shape, so eating your feelings, then feeling fat and out of shape because you ate too much and didn't exercise.  I'm not doing much exercise lately and I have a million excuses but none of them hold water.  I am being hard on myself I know but I seriously deserve it.  I have literally eaten ice cream or frozen yogurt just about every day this summer.  It's no wonder I have gained weight.  I loved when I was losing weight and my advice to others was to "say no to food you want to eat and say yes when you don't want to exercise".  I have been reversing this lately.  It's not working for me.  I have been so lonely too.  I know this is partly my fault.  I'm bad for not seeking out friendships and not making dates with the few friends I do have.  My boys are grown up and are hardly ever home.  My husband and I rarely have time together.  It sucks but it's my life.  Back when I was losing weight I was busier because I was going to the gym all the time.  Therefore I was less lonely because I wasn't home alone as much..I need to join a gym again.  I went to have a tour of one the other day and I really liked it.  My plan is after my niece's wedding this weekend I'm signing up.  It's a bit further away than my old gym but I just feel like I need a new start.  A new gym, new classes, new people.  That's the plan.

The good.  I guess the good thing is that I'm not 230 lbs.  I haven't gained it all back and with any luck I can stop this now and get back to feeling good again.  Which means goal for me.  I felt so good when I was at goal weight and in pretty good shape.  Another good is the fact that even though I am out of shape, I'm still able to run.  Not fast and not very far but I can still run, so there's that.

The bad.  Clothes.  Although I have some clothes that fit me, I do have a lot that don't fit me.  It sucks.

The big butt ugly.  I have had some very rock bottom days.  Last night I felt so gross I tried to throw up.  It didn't work, but I just felt so full and fat and so disgusted with myself.  It's not a good place to be in.  I've been eating way too much and all of the wrong things.  Time to get that under control.  Wish me luck I'm going to need it.

Pictures.  I hate myself in pictures these days.  There was a time that I was begging people to take my picture!  My niece is getting married this weekend.  A lot of pictures will be taken.  I'm hoping to be behind the camera instead of in front of it :-(

Speaking of pictures, I'll leave you with a few.

Color me Rad - 5K fun run

 Harvest 2013

The Bride-to-be and I

Tracking

Yes, I actually tracked all my food today and stayed within my 26 points.  Baby steps people, baby steps.  I feel like my head is finally getting into the game here.  The past few weeks I have been flip-flopping around with all the ways I'm going to lose this extra weight I've put on.  I really just wish it was as much fun taking it off as it was putting it on.  Are you with me?  I look at this 15 or so pounds I have to lose and I think really it's not that much, just hunker down and do it.  But then I realize how long it can take to lose 15 lbs and I get discouraged.  I know, I know it's not 60 lbs or 100 lbs but it's still going to take some work and discipline.  And it's not going to happen overnight or at a "Biggest Loser" speed.  I think to myself, maybe I should try Paleo again.  I loved not tracking my food and I lost weight.  But as much as I felt great, it's just too restricting for me.  Especially in the Summer.  Because damn it I might want to have a cold beer or a glass of wine once in awhile!  Not too mention frozen yogurt!  I get crazy thoughts of doing fasts or cleanses.  Life would be so much easier if we didn't need to eat food, every day.  But we do.    So I know that in the end Weight Watchers is the right fit for me.  It's going to be my life from now on.

I feel like I was robbed.  I keep hearing of all these people losing weight and fitting into single digit sizes.  As much as I know it's not about a number on the scale or your dress size it's still makes me jealous.  But what really makes me mad is that the sizes have gotten bigger.  Because when I weighed 145 lbs at 5'7" I was not a size 8.  I was a size 10.  In fact my wedding dress was a size 11.  So now when I was at my goal weight of 165 lbs I was a size 10.  If I was 20 lbs less than that today, would I be a size 6?  Weird.  It doesn't matter I know but it's just one of those things you think about.  In fact one of the bloggers I'm jealous of fit into a pair of size 8 jeans today.  She's lost 89 lbs so far and looks fabulous!  You deserve it Chubby (gotta change that name.....it just doesn't fit anymore!).

I present to you again my "shoebox of weight loss failures".  I have tried many plans over the years and had success with a few, but none have helped me like Weight Watchers has.  I'm sticking with it for the long haul :-)

Key Lime pie.....mmmm

Today was good.  Eating was on track, I did Body Pump (and it nearly killed me) and I went for a long walk tonight with the dog.  Having a day off and starting on the road to eating better and working out is a no-brainer for me.  Tomorrow will be another story.  Work all day, come home tired and grumpy to an empty house and it can get ugly.  I really need to address the loneliness issues I have been facing.  I'm sure it's a huge part of my poor eating / binge eating of late.  When my husband is away (which is a lot) I get in a funk.  I am a different person.  I get down and turn to food for comfort.  I'm not proud of that but it's been happening more and more lately.  When I reached goal in 2012 I was doing so many classes at the gym in the evenings that I didn't seem to have time to get lonely.  Ah ha!!  Well, here's the thing.  I cancelled my gym membership a few months ago.  The gym that I had been going to has gotten SO DAMN BUSY!!  It's not a fun place to be anymore when you are fighting for a spot in the locker room and fighting for a spot in class (and sometimes not even guaranteed a spot if you aren't early).  The parking situation is terrible, and I know what you're all thinking.  Why does she care if she has to walk a bit from her car to go and work out??  It's not that, it's that you are rushing from work to try to get there in time to get a spot in a class and then there is NO parking.  It wasn't always like that.  I joined when it was just a new spacious, quiet gym.  And the thing that bothers me is they are always signing new people up!  C'mon Good Life Fitness!  You are full!!  OK rant over......I need a new gym.  My plan is to sign up for another one in the Fall.  Until then I'm going to do my at home DVD's and run, walk and bike outside.  But I do think that will help with the loneliness.  If I have a few classes a week to go to there is less time home alone.  I'm working on it.  Blogging more will help too :-)

If any of you follow me on Instagram (kimma2) or Twitter (kimma2) you may have seen that I posted a picture of a WW key lime pie.  I made it tonight and it was delicious!  Thanks to @TheDailyMel for posting the recipe via http://www.itsuxtobefat.com/recipes/weight-watchers-key-lime-pie-recipe  I will post my pics and recipe because of course I am in Canada and we don't have the same food as the USA does.  I will admit since doing the Whole 30 challenge a few months ago I have really tried to cut out my artificial sweetners and since then I can taste them.  But it was a nice treat and I would make it again.  The boys (actually grown men now at 22 and 20 but they will always be my babies!) haven't tried it yet but I'm sure they will love it.  Dean thought it was great and kept asking if I really made it with fat free yogurt!  I'm such a good cook!  hahaha!

Weight Watchers Key Lime Pie:  5 points per serving
serves:  8  (I changed it because seriously who cuts a pie into tenths?)

One Graham Cracker Crust (I used the Keebler ready made, couldn't find the reduced fat one here)
Note:  I figured out the points of the crust I used to be 3 points in 1/8 of the crust so I'm not sure of the difference in using the reduced fat crust.  I'm hoping 5 points is still ok!
1 1/2 cups of fat free Key Lime flavored yogurt
1/2 of a 1 litre tub of fat free cool whip
1 box of sugar free Lime Jello
1/4 cup of water

Directions:  Heat 1/4 cup of water in the microwave for a minute or two until the water starts to boil.  Or just boil some water in the kettle.  Dissolve the jellow in boiling water.
In a mixing bowl, combine the jello with the yogurt until it's combined.  Gently fold in the cool whip.  When it's all combined, pour it into the pie crust.  Cover (I just flip the plastic lid from the pie shell over and it makes a dome) and refrigerate until set (at least two hours).  Enjoy.

I'm still here!!

180.3 lbs.  Yes that is the sad number.  I can honestly say that I have stayed around 5 lbs above my goal for a long time, but I was able to put on 10 lbs very easily in the past few months.  I am not happy about it, but I'm trying to keep my head up, move on and learn from my mistakes.  I could sit here and write about all the things that lead me to that weight gain but I won't.  Let's just say that I ate a lot of food that I shouldn't have and I haven't been exercising as much as I used to.  Not a great combination.  And of course as we all know, it's what leads to weight gain.  It's funny, I'm not Catholic but I feel like this must be what confession is like.  Forgive me blog followers, for I have sinned.  I'm not perfect, that's for sure but I'm not giving up.  I remember how good I felt at my goal weight.  I remember how it felt to not have my belly sticking out (granted it was never flat, but smaller than it is now).  I used to lay in bed in the morning and feel my hip bones and my stomach and think "wow, I'm really not a fat person anymore!"  And to be honest my goal was never to get skinny, it was to be a normal sized, healthy person.  My body doesn't feel like that now.  I look in my closet and my options are limited.  I am still fitting into size 12's and Large's for the most part but the size 10's and Medium's are getting pushed further back.  So, the journey continues.  I went back to WW determined to do it again but after a 5 lb loss the first week, then a slight gain the second I haven't been back.  Why you may ask?  I was embarassed.  I know those ladies have seen ups and downs that would likely make my head spin but I just feel like I can't face them.  I need to face them.  I need to walk into my WW meeting with my head held high and say "I'm back, this time for good".  I know they will welcome me with open arms, because that's what WW is all about.  They are not there to judge, they are there to help.  And clearly I need help.  I have developed the "I will just eat _____ and _____ then I will start tomorrow" attitude.  And tomorrow just keeps getting pushed further and further away.  I'm smart enough to know that if I don't get this under control I will gain all the weight back that I worked so hard to lose.  One of the things that keeps nawing at me is that my neice is getting married in September.  I had it in my head I was going to be back at goal by then.  I think I have to let that go.  It's possible but it's not realistic.  I know how hard it is.  What I am telling myself is that I will weigh less than I do today by September 28, it won't be 165 but it sure as hell won't be 180 either!!  I have a plan.  I'm going to put one foot in front of the other and not worry so much about how long it's going to take to get back to goal but just get there.  And I will get there.  

Oh ya, I turned 50 last month!!  I had a wonderful Birthday.  I felt very loved :-)  50 is just a number and I am looking forward to being in better health in my 50's than I was in my 40's!  

3 mile run on June 2, 2013 for another virtual run the day before my 50th Birthday 

(shrinkingjeans "run the hood" Foxy 5K)

June 2, 2013 - family surprise party

June 3, 2013 - my 50th Birthday and more cake 

If your still reading this, I thank you for sticking with me.  June is a busy month.  Lots of celebrations.  But somehow last year I was able to celebrate without a big gain.  Like I said before, moving on.  Trying not to be too hard on myself.  I can do this.  I will do this.....again.   

Saturday night

Saturday night and here I sit alone.  Dean is at the farm.  Could it be Spring is actually around the corner?  Of course they aren't seeding or anything yet since there is a lot of snow on the ground still and there will be for a few months yet.  But the fact that he is out there doing something in preparation for seeding means Spring is coming!  He should be home soon but I thought I would write a quick blog post while I was waiting.

I can't believe I forgot to blog about the amazing thing I made the other night for myself!  It's basically a chocolate chip cookie for one in a single serving.  Microwave then top with ice cream and you have yourself an amazing treat.  I know, I know, it's not Whole 30 or Paleo but it was after my Whole 30 challenge!  The odd thing was I could hardly eat any of it.  I think I ate about a third of it and had to throw the rest away.  I was alone, alone again naturally (remember Gilbert O'Sullivan?  that was the first 8-track I owned...hehehe) anyway it is definately large enough to share.  And there wasn't anyone around to share it with (other than my dogs which would have gladly helped me out but there's the whole dogs not eating chocolate thing so ya) so it went in the garbage.  OK enough of that I will get to the link for the recipe!  It's found at Picky Palate and here's a yummy food porn picture of the finished product.  I didn't add the home made chocolate "shell" but mine looked pretty close to this:

I have to blame thank someone on Twitter for posting this recipe!  Use with caution, it's delicious and make sure there is someone else in the house to share it with!  You have been warned.  Enjoy.  

Also quick review of Safe Haven.  Went last night with my niece.  We both really enjoyed it.  Good story, had some suspense and of course wouldn't be a Nicholas Sparks movie / book without a lot of romance.  Josh Duhamel and Julianne Hough were both really good in this move.  If you like a good romance I would recommend seeing Safe Haven.  

Whole 30 wrap up!

Well I did it!  I really can't believe that I did but I did!  A Whole 30 challenge with only one cheat.  On the last Friday before it was over Dean and I went out with friends for supper to the Keg.  I had 2 glasses of red wine.  That's it.  I didn't touch sugar or sugar subtitutes, grains, legumes or dairy.  Pretty much stayed away from alcohol too except that one time.  I had a really bad day at work and a couple of glasses of wine was what was needed.

What did I learn from doing this challenge?  I would have to say the most important thing was how good you feel when you feed your body with healthy foods.  I got so used to reading labels and I was so shocked and surprised how many things I eat on a regular basis had so many "extra" ingredients.  The sugar aspect was another eye opener.  I also used to eat a lot of sugarless gum, I know that's not horrible but I've given it up now and I don't miss it anymore.

What foods did I really miss during the 30 days?  Yogurt hands down!  I eat Greek yogurt almost every day for lunch with fruit.  I really missed that.  It was a challenge to think of things to eat for lunch.  Mostly I ate salads with a protein source or leftovers of supper from the night before.  I did have some frozen yogurt the other day and it didn't bother me, but I had a major after lunch slump.  I was very groggy around 2:00.  Coincidence?  Maybe.  Or maybe it was the sugar in the fro-yo.  I'm not going to give up my yogurt.  I may not eat it every day anymore but I will still be having it.

How much weight did I lose?  I lost 6 lbs.  I'm pretty happy with that number even though lots of people that go on this plan lose more.  Could I have lost more?  Yup!  I'm sure of it.  Near the end I got kind of into eating nuts on a regular basis.  Nuts with lots of calories and lots of fat.  Good fat I know, but still you aint gonna lose weight if you eat lots of nuts.  Definately what I would call a "red light" food for me.  I really shouldn't keep them around.  Like Oprah always says "when you know better, you do better"!!  It even states in the book "it starts with food" that if weight loss is one of your goals with Whole 30 you should limit the amount of nuts and fruit you consume.  I didn't do that.  But that's ok.  I'm still a little bit over my WW goal but I can't believe that almost 1 year later I am within 5 lbs of my goal weight.  I call that a success!!  Maintenence is hard.  I really can't believe how hard it is.  You literally have to be on your game at all times.  The pounds creep up every so slowly, it's 1 or 2 at first and you think, ah no problem.  Then it becomes 5 or more.  When I look back on my numbers I see how slow it came off in the end.  Losing the last 10 lbs took forever!  I think it's all about being on a "plan" "diet" "lifestyle" whatever you want to call it for the rest of your life.  Like my sister (who has now been at goal for 2 years) says, it's pretty much a 95% - 5% mix of being on plan.  Having a treat now and then is ok but the rest of them time you gotta watch everything you eat.  Fact of life.  But it's so worth it.  Trust me.

Exercise.  Funny thing is, I hardly did anything these past 2 weeks.  I ran a few times, did Body Pump a few times but that's it.  It's like I can't seem to do everything at once.  Once I do I'm going to be unstoppable!!  Water slacked off at the end too.  Food intake, exercise and drink lots of water.  The magic 3.  Get these all going at once and it works people!  But it starts with food.  I lost weight the first 3 months on Weight Watchers without being able to exercise at ALL.  I had just had my second ankle tendon surgery.  So there ya go.

10 days till Vegas trip!  Getting very excited now.  We are going to Celine Dion, Aces of Comedy with Kevin James and Ray Romano, hopefully a taping of American Idol, a NASCAR race and although we don't have tickets yet we are planning on going to a Cirque du solei show.  And did I mention lots and lots of shopping?  I'm very lucky to have a husband that LOVES to shop.  Can't wait.

Movie with my niece tonight and I'm going to have frozen yogurt and movie popcorn.  Yes I am.  I skipped supper and I ran today!  Go me :-)

Day 18

Day 18 - Things are going pretty good.  I am sticking to the plan even though I've had MANY temptations.  Yesterday we had a work seminar and there was Tim Horton's doughnuts, muffins and coffee.  I had black coffee that's it.  The doughnuts sat there through the whole 2 hour meeting and I'm not gonna lie they smelled amazing but it's become a thing now, I refuse to quit!  Today they had a "beach party" coffee break.  Haha, very funny a beach party in the Winter.  Anyway, I went thinking they would have fruit maybe?  Nope it was tropical punch and ICE CREAM!  I drank my water and that's it.  This afternoon a disgusting smell was throughout the whole building (thank goodness it was after the beach party!).  It was gross.  I felt really nauseous and still am so I'm not feeling much like eating supper.  I had a banana that might be it.  Bleh.

As people have discovered that I am eating differently I have come accross some that have a lot to say about it.  It's frustrating to me.  Why should people care what I'm eating or not eating?  I guess that is the whole "misery loves company" mentality.  If I'm having a doughnut, then you should have one too.  Weight loss is a tough road.  You meet lots of people along the way that aren't supportive or are jealous of what you are doing.  I find for the most part it's people that need to change their own lifestyle that are the most critical of mine.

I am continuing to struggle with my fitness.  I slipped on the ice on the driveway on Tuesday night and hurt my hip and knee.  Just bruised but I'm still sore.  That's my excuse this week.  I know, still not a good one, but it's all I got.  Winter has to take a hike very soon.  I'm sick and tired of snow and short days.  Looking forward to running outside in the morning in the sun :-)

Day 15

Day 15 of Whole 30!  So I'm halfway there.  I have been doing really quite good sticking to the plan.  And I can't believe I have gone 15 days without sugar or sugar substitutes!!  That is huge for me.  I had some frozen cookie dough in the freezer that I had bought from the Vet students at work for a fundraiser.  It's been in there since before Christmas and I needed the freezer space so I made them yesterday.  It tempted me a bit because they smelled so good when they were baking but I held strong.  The boys will eat them fast so I'm not too worried about them being around too long.  Oatmeal raisin, not my favorite but I've really never met a cookie I didn't like!

I love not tracking.  I hope that when I'm done this plan I will be able to eat similar to this "paleo" style of eating.  It's very liberating to be just eating healthy foods, not worrying about eating the exact amount of the "wrong" things.  Does that make sense?  I realize that deprivation isn't the way to eat for the long haul but the more I read ingredients the more I feel better about my choices these days.  I have found some foods that I didn't eat often but now I'm obsessed with.  Avocados for one.  I love them!  Tonight I had a chicken breast, grilled with lime juice, avocado and salsa on top.  It was delicious.  Spinach.  I put that shit on everything.  I even made Kale chips.  I keep saying they aren't Pringles which is true but they are pretty good.  Salty, crunchy and so damn good for you!  I'm eating so many vegetables which is a good thing.  Fruit tastes so good too.  Loving apples with almond butter, one of my favorite Whole 30 snacks.  I've pulled out the Yonanas machine and it's saved me a few times when I've been wanting something sweet.  No added ingredients in that.  Fruit.  That's it.

You aren't supposed to weigh yourself until the end of the 30 days but I cheated.  I peeked on Saturday and I am down 5 lbs.  I'm happy with that, as I'm anxious to get back to my WW goal weight.  Getting close.  Saturday night we were invited to our neighbor's house for appetizers and drinks.  I had a bite to eat at home which was a good thing because the menu was coconut shrimp, crackers and cheese and flat bread.  Not on my plan.  I had a cup of black coffee that was it.  We then went to a hockey game with 2 couples.  Everyone was drinking but I didn't.  That doesn't bother me at all.  One of the girls was saying she could never do a Whole 30 because she drinks at least 2 glasses of wine a night.  The things you learn about people!  She is in amazing shape and works out like a beast so she obviously has it under control!  Superbowl party was cancelled because the hosts ended up going to Vegas.  I was OK with that.  We watched it at home, had a nice healthy dinner and no temptations (except the cookies!).

Worked out tonight.  I did my Body Pump at home.  Still thinking about cancelling that gym membership.  We'll see.

Day 12

Day 12 - I'm still here!  Doing pretty good.  I will have to admit I have had some hard days, but I have stayed strong.  I'm feeling the need to re-group, do some meal planning and grocery shopping.  Also make a few more meals to freeze and have on hand.  It's been a long week.  Cold outside, snow, busy at work and husband away.  I'm very glad it's the weekend!  Tonight we went out for supper just the two of us.  I had prime rib, salad and double veggies.  Dean had salmon, salad and double veggies.  When our meals came he said he wished he had gotten the prime rib so we cut our entre in half and swapped!  Isn't that what old people do?  lol  Anyway both meals were awesome and I'm really getting into this way of ordering at a restaurant.  They brought fresh buns but I didn't have any.  Salad dressing was a strawberry vinegarette but I'm sure it was loaded with sugar.  I had it on the side and tasted a bit on my fork and it was so sweet, so I skipped it.  I had an apple with almond butter for a snack.

My exercise this week has been terrible.  I think I only worked out 3 times.  I need to work on that.  I have a million excuses but none of them are very good :)

We booked our trip to Las Vegas tonight!  We had flights booked but we reserved our hotel room tonight.  March 5-13 so just over a month away.  I'm getting excited!

Day 10

Day 10 - So. Cold. Outside.

OK enough bitching.  Whole 30 challenge still going strong.  Something I miss, sugar free gum!  I realize that I chew a lot of gum.  Just to freshen my breath between meals.  But sugar and sugar substitues free means no gum for me.  I know that's a small amount but I'm really trying to do this thing as much to the letter as I can.

Breakfast was Avocado "toad in a hole".  It was delicious!  The other half of that avocado is in the fridge and I will be having that again tomorrow.  Basically you just slice an avocado and fry in some olive oil, add an egg in the middle and cook.  I flipped it once and covered it because I don't like a runny yolk.  Quick and easy.  Had it with some salsa and a mini turkey meatloaf that I had made ahead and froze.

Avocado toad in a hole (not pictured - mini turkey meatloaf I ate it while cooking this!)

Lunch was a salad with grilled chicken, nothing special.  I'm going to have to research and find a new dressing because even though I like balsamic vinegar and olive oil it's starting to get old.  I also had an orange.  I need to get groceries.  I'm running out of fruit!  

No snack.  I forgot to pack one.  I have some almonds in the car and I ate a few of those on the way home :)

For supper I made a big stir fry.  Lots of veggies and shrimp!  I really had no idea what to put in it that was on the plan.  I used olive oil and garlic and lemon.  Once again, some research and I'm sure I could have found some options.  I ordered pizza for the boys because I thought they wouldn't like what I cooked.  The pizza didn't bother me.  I'm really dedicated.  Surpising myself actually.  I was right, the stir fry was a bit bland but good.  Yummy veggies and shrimp it was good but I think it could have been better.  I also had an apple with almond butter for "dessert".  Love that.  

colorful stir fry

All of these spice mixes contain sugar.  I'm surprised, are you?